31 Tracy Jordan Quotes to Enjoy the Hilarious Satire of '30 Rock'

Tracy Jordan is one funny man on "30 Rock." He has a way with words and constantly shares his wisdom with others. He sure knows how to deliver one-liners that can be hilarious, thought-provoking, and sarcastic simultaneously. Here are 31 Tracy Jordan quotes that define his character best.

Tracy Jordan is a movie star character in the hit television sitcom, "30 Rock." His character is based on the real-life events and personality traits of a well-known Hollywood star.

Tracy is not only a funny man with words of wisdom but is acutely aware of his surroundings. This is often evident in the hilarious lines delivered brilliantly by actor and comedian Tracy Morgan. Here are 31 Tracy Jordan quotes to get to know the iconic character.

Tracy Jordan's quote, "I'm thirsty. Family! Who's in charge of my thirst?" | Source: facebook.com/30RockTV

Tracy Jordan's Hilarious Quotes

"I love my wife. I want her to be happy. But more than that, I want to do nothing." — Tracy Jordan

"Cornell commencement address? Sorry, but Tracy Jordan doesn't do safety schools." — Tracy Jordan

"I'm gonna have so much money, my grandkids are gonna play lacrosse. Lacrosse, Liz Lemon." — Tracy Jordan

"You don't have to thank me, Lemon. We're a team now. Like Batman and Robin. Like chicken, and a chicken container." — Tracy Jordan

"I'm thirsty. Family! Who's in charge of my thirst?" — Tracy Jordan

Tracy Jordan's quote, "Here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week." | Source: facebook.com/30RockTV

"Tracy: I've poured more cash into Donald's restaurant than my money pit in Connecticut.

Jack: You have a house in Connecticut?

Tracy: No, I do not." — "30 Rock"

"We are here because white folks think they can do whatever they want to do to black folks. It's like when Adrian Brody kissed Halle Barry at the Oscars. White people stole jazz, rock and roll, Will Smith, and heart disease." — Tracy Jordan

"I don't get why people like brunch. What's the benefit of combining breakdancing and lunch?" — Tracy Jordan

"Our basketball hoop was a rib cage. A rib cage!" — Tracy Jordan

[Speaking to a bird on the sidewalk] "Stop eating people's old French fries, pigeon. Have some self-respect! Don't you know you can fly?" — Tracy Jordan

"Thanks, Jack, for coming to this emergency meeting. I'm sorry I'm four hours late, but my alarm clock didn't go off because it died in a cock fight last night." — Tracy Jordan

Tracy Jordan's quote, "I don't need a birthday 'cause I buy myself all the presents I need..." | Source: facebook.com/30RockTV

Tracy Jordan Famous Quotes

"Never better. I'm as happy as a clam who wants to kill some woman." — Tracy Jordan

"My attorney told me I should join a church preemptively, 'cause juries are suspicious of celebrities who find religion after getting into trouble." — Tracy Jordan

"A book hasn't given me this much trouble since Waldo went to that barber pole factory." — Tracy Jordan

"Here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week." — Tracy Jordan

"They do that a lot in movies: An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack." — Tracy Jordan

Tracy Jordan's quote, "I love my wife. I want her to be happy. But more than that, I want to do nothing." | Source: facebook.com/30RockTV

"Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets." — Tracy Jordan

[Crowd booing] "Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts." — Tracy Jordan

"I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win World Record for the biggest mirror." — Tracy Jordan

"If I won an Oscar, everyone would have to respect me. My obituary will read 'Oscar-Winner' instead of 'Children's Soccer Heckler.'" — Tracy Jordan

"I wonder if they give awards for tarantula displacement?" — Tracy Jordan

"What is this, Horse-ville? 'Cause I am surrounded by nay-sayers! Wordplay!" — Tracy Jordan

"What everyone needs to do is calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law." — Tracy Jordan

Tracy Jordan's quote, "Never better. I'm as happy as a clam who wants to kill some woman." | Source: facebook.com/30RockTV

Tracy Jordan Memorable Quotes

"I don't need a birthday, 'cause I buy myself all the presents I need…" — Tracy Jordan

"I'm whipped. [My wife] got me up at 7:30 today. Did you know in the morning they got food, TV, almost everything? It’s pretty good." — Tracy Jordan

"I'm not going to rehearse. I'm going to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet." — Tracy Jordan

"Let's do it again from the top. I want to get it perfect, because perfection is my middle name. "Unclaimed Perfection Baby Boy." — Tracy Jordan

"Can we get some Diet Slice and pita chips up in here?" — Tracy Jordan

Tracy Jordan's quote, "[Crowd booing] Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts." | Source: facebook.com/30RockTV

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"...Turns out football is boring, my wife’s sister ain’t as cute as I thought she was and I can not play the guitar." — Tracy Jordan

"I remember going to the Statue of Liberty Centennial, 'cause that year someone had spread a rumor that she was gonna slip out of her toga…" — Tracy Jordan

"That’s what Danny was saying. We have to be cool to everybody. Because the future is like a Japanese game show. You have no idea what’s going on." — Tracy Jordan

Tracy Jordan's quote, "I'm not going to rehearse. I'm going to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet." | Source: facebook.com/30RockTV

Even in a candid situation, Tracy always ensures that he gets the last word with his eccentric lines. He says bizarre things that can leave one not only confused but amused, too.

Actor Tracy Morgan plays the role of Tracy Jordan in "30 Rock." He stars alongside the show's creator, Tina Fey (Liz Lemon), Steve Martin (Gavin Volure), and Elizabeth Banks (Avery Jessup).

If you enjoy watching this classic show and love the comedy genre, read more quotes from another character in this television series in “20 Dr. Spaceman Quotes.”