30 Kevin Quotes from ‘The Office’: Dunder Mifflin’s Resident Genius Accountant

One major reason for the success of the series "The Office," is the many interesting and hilarious characters involved. Kevin Malone certainly contributed to this colorful mixture of personalities.

Kevin Malone is one of the central characters in the comedy "The Office." He isn't considered the brightest bulb in the box. He also isn't great at his accounting job at the company Dunder Mifflin where he works alongside all the other characters.

That being said, Malone has some hilarious lines throughout the series. From awkwardly judging the intelligence of others, his love of food, and just general funny lines, mostly influenced by his lack of brainpower, this character proved great entertainment for fans of this cult classic series.

Read 30 quotes from Kevin Malone below.

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote: “I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle.” | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

Quotes of Kevin Just Being Kevin

“Every time you buy a Big Mac, you set one ingredient aside. Then at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac. And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands.” ― Kevin Malone

“I hear Angela’s party will have double-fudge brownies. But it will also have Angela.” ― Kevin Malone

"I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape." ― Kevin Malone

"Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick." ― Kevin Malone

“I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle.” ― Kevin Malone

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote: "I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape." | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

“What would you say to you and me hittin’ the town? ‘Cause I’m free, literally forever.” ― Kevin Malone

"Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air? Or was it me?" ― Kevin Malone

"I’m gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.” ― Kevin Malone

"You're too character-y to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor." ― Kevin Malone

“Andy, I’m not Jim. The only way that I’m Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam.” ― Kevin Malone

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote: "Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air? Or was it me?" | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

“I love banter, but I hate witty banter.” ― Kevin Malone

“Hey, Deangelo, what do you think about bald people? I hate them.” ― Kevin Malone

"I got six numbers, one more, and it would have been a complete phone number." ― Kevin Malone

“I kinda know what it’s like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.” ― Kevin Malone

“I want to be wined and dined and sixty-nined.” ― Kevin Malone

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote: “I love banter, but I hate witty banter.” | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

"This is a documentary? Ohhhh. I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo." ― Kevin Malone

Quotes from Kevin and His Love for Food

"I just want to sit on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted." ― Kevin Malone

“Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit.” ― Kevin Malone

“I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned at polished, but they haven’t been returned yet.” ― Kevin Malone

"At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin’s favorite chili." ― Kevin Malone

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote: "I just want to sit on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted." | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

"Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I’ve been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It’s been yummy. But now, Andy’s coming back. So, I guess it’s goodbye chunky, lemon milk.” ― Kevin Malone

“Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of a cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?” ― Kevin Malone

“I don’t wanna put you out, but if someone’s making oatmeal, I’ll take an apple cinnamon and a maple-brown sugar in one bowl, with whole milk.” ― Kevin Malone

“Oh, nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!” ― Kevin Malone

"Angela’s cats are cute. So cute that you just wanna eat ‘em. But you can’t eat cats. You can't eat cats Kevin." ― Kevin Malone

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote: “Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit.” | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

“The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.” ― Kevin Malone

“You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, Robert.” ― Kevin Malone

Quotes from Kevin Being the Smartest Guy in the Room

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote:“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot.” | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

“He’s a sweet kid, Daryl, but he’s not the sharpest guy in the drawer.” ― Kevin Malone

“So, Dwight doesn’t understand what a silent auction is. I guess he’s the ‘stupid guy’ in the office, huh? Cause up ’til now, we didn’t have one.” ― Kevin Malone

“I have very little patience for stupidity.” ― Kevin Malone

“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot.” ― Kevin Malone

An image of Kevin Malone, with his quote: “The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.” | Source: Youtube.com/The Office

Actor Brian Baumgartner was played by Kevin Malone, alongside many other cast mates such as Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute), John Krasinski (Jim Halpert), Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly), and of course, Steve Carrell (Michael Scott).

Get to know the softer side of these co-workers by reading: 47 Heartwarming Quotes from 'The Office' about Love.