48 Stanley Hudson Quotes by the Frustrated Guy from ‘The Office'

The employees of Dunder Mifflin were so relatable to every person who has worked in an office, although some of their situations were a little exaggerated for humorous effect. Stanley Hudson didn't miss a chance to remind us that he hated his job, although he was fairly good at it. Read these 48 Stanley Hudson quotes.

It's always interesting when a sitcom character – or specifically the actor – shows more than what was originally thought of by the writers. Stanley Hudson was obviously meant to be the cynical office employee who hates being there.

However, he was extremely good at his job and kind-hearted despite his tough exterior. He was a complete contradiction that fans quickly fell in love with, and "The Office" proved how sitcom characters could be four-dimensional even when they weren't main leads.

One of his running bits consisted of leaving the office at 5 p.m. sharp, which was the company's official end of the day, but it could've been problematic in a real work environment. That made him even more relatable, as most people wish they had the guts to do that as well. Let's remember some of his best moments with these 48 Stanley Hudson quotes.

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: “I know Santa ain’t black. I could care less.” | Source: youtube.com/The Office

Stanley Hudson Quotes, Filled with His "Office" Humor

“It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one, too.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

“Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

“I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

“I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: “I know Santa ain’t black. I could care less.” | Source: youtube.com/The Office

“I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for … that is the life.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

“I know Santa ain’t black. I could care less.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

Stanley Hudson Quotes Full of Complaints and Frustration

"I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way overpaid." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: "It’s all about taking points away from Dwight." | Source: youtube.com/The Office

“Florida Stanley smiles, Florida Stanley is happy to go to work, Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"Oh yes, I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"It’s all about taking points away from Dwight." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

“I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They’re always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I’m constantly hungry. [...] Do you think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital?” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: “This is pretzel day.” | Source: youtube.com/The Office

“You are not my damn boss, and you never will be!” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

Stanley Hudson Quotes from Life Situations in "The Office"

“This is pretzel day.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"Only 364 days until the next pretzel day." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: “Newsflash: You are not special.” | Source: youtube.com/The Office

"Michael: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.

Stanley: You can't cancel a holiday.

Michael: Keep it up, Stanley, and you'll lose New Year's.

Stanley: What's that mean?

Michael: Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley." — "The Office"

"Dwight: Don't you want to earn Schrute bucks?

Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.

Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?

Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns." — "The Office"

“Newsflash: You are not special.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

“Do not care.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

“Why don’t you mind your business.” — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: "I’ll slap you in the face with a rainbow." | Source: youtube.com/The Office

"Ryan: Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one, and then you can critique me after?

Stanley: You want the lead?

Ryan: Yeah, if you don't mind.

Stanley: Mind? Nothing would delight me more." — "The Office"

"Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.

Michael: Really?

Stanley: Oh yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.

Michael: God. Stanley, that's frickin brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I'm sorry...

Stanley: Oh, it's OK. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact.

Michael: No kidding?" — "The Office"

"I’ll slap you in the face with a rainbow." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.

Jim: What?

Dwight: Where?

Michael: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK.

Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?" — "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: "You are a professional id**t." | Source: youtube.com/The Office

"Oscar: So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.

Jim: Oh, um. "Why do you keep CCing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"

Stanley: Is that supposed to be me?

Jim: Oh, hey, Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.

Stanley: I do not think that is funny.

Pam: He does everyone in the office.

Stanley: Hmph. [leaves]

Jim and Pam: I do not think that is funny." — "The Office"

"Michael: It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. You know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby!

Stanley: I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.

Michael: Wh- Really? You should! It's fun! " — "The Office"

"Michael: Good news.

Stanley: We get to go home?

Michael: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?

Kevin: Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?

Michael: Same thing.

Kevin: No, no." — "The Office"

"Stanley: What.

Michael: I, uh, see that you... gave me that form that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly, so thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal.

Stanley: What are you talking about?

Michael: Well, you know, uh, the thing that you said earlier, that you didn't mean, um, and that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it? Friends don't need to apologize to friends, as far as I'm concerned, so we are cool.

Stanley: I am not going to apologize to you." — "The Office"

"You are a professional id**t." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: "Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I'll help you find it." | Source: youtube.com/The Office

"Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.

Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is.

Michael: Well, I hated it. A lot! " — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"Oscar: Hey, Pam, I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship.

Pam: Wow, very funny.

Stanley: I've never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly.

Kelly: Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam." — "The Office"

"Toby: Hey, Stanley...

Stanley: Hmm?

Toby: I want to introduce you to...

Michael: [watching from office] Toby's replacement. Ugh. Wow.

Dwight: So what do we know about her?

Michael: Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already.

Dwight: I hate her too.

Michael: Why do you hate her?

Dwight: Because she... stinks... with her... ways... and her... head.

Michael: You know, Dwight, sometimes... I don't know, I think you say things just to agree with me.

Dwight: Would that be such a bad thing?

Michael: Yeah! It would! Just have a thought. Have an original thought. Although, I will agree that her head is weird." — "The Office"

"Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I'll help you find it." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the dialogue: "Michael: Hey Stanley, is that jacket made of up dog? Stanley: I'm on the phone." | Source: youtube.com/The Office

"Michael: Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you.

Andy: Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it, Michael?

Michael: Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.

Andy: Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott.

Michael: Oh.

Andy: Ph. D. Doctor of Sales.

Michael: Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you.

Andy: Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.

Michael: Well, thank you, sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior.

Phyllis: We're the same age, and I'll pick... Karen.

Karen: Oh, uh, thanks.

Michael: Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley.

Stanley: Pass.

Michael: You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody.

Stanley: ... I'll take the kid." — "The Office"

"Meredith: What should we do with all these leftovers?

Stanley: I'm taking the dumplings for my wife.

Dwight: No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers.

Creed: I can bring these to my shelter." — "The Office"

"Michael: Hey Stanley, is that jacket made of up dog?

Stanley: I'm on the phone." — Stanley Hudson, "The Office"

"Phyllis: Wait, uh, how do you touch just one of these buttons at a time?

Stanley: I don't know.

Phyllis: Did you even try?

Stanley: If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him.

Phyllis: I can't see half of the things.

Stanley: It's too little. Use the phone." — "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the quote: "Did I stutter?" | Source: youtube.com/The Office

"Michael: The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00, the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out, Dwight.

Dwight: That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.

Jim: Actually, it sounds like you are.

Dwight: Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?

Kelly: If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?

Michael: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.

Stanley: Yes, please let us know.

Dwight: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.

Angela: Waste of time." — "The Office"

"Phyllis: Everyone, this is my boyfriend Bob.

Kevin: Kevin Malone.

Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.

Stanley: Stanley Hudson.

Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.

Ryan: Ryan Howard.

Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.

Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?" — "The Office"

An image of Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson in "The Office" with the dialogue: "You are not my damn boss, and you will never be!" | Source: youtube.com/The Office

More modern viewers probably wonder why Stanley chose to stay in a job he hated so much, not realizing that it's what most people did long ago. This character represents people who only wanted to work for their paychecks and go home to enjoy their lives later.

That's how it is for many people in the real corporate world. Stanley should've left when he had a medical emergency due to stress, but he didn't. He still had to make a living or didn't want to find another job he hates.

If you love sitcom secondary characters, check out these Kramer quotes, but if you prefer the main lead, find out the best things Jake Peralta has said in "Brooklyn 911." Also, check out these Jean Ralphio quotes from "Parks and Recreation."