43 Kramer Quotes: A Nod to That Eccentric Next Door Neighbor

We all have 'those' neighbors who may exhibit some abnormal tendencies, but just like Kramer on "Seinfeld," when we get to know them, their strange nature becomes a loveable breath of fresh air. Read these 43 quotes by the weirdo next door.

The eccentric and beloved Cosmo Kramer, or "Kramer" as he is more widely known, is Seinfeld's neighbor in the late 80's to late 90's television series "Seinfeld." His wild hair and off-beat personality explicitly characterize him.

Kramer can't seem to hold a job down but mysteriously never wants money, a debatable plus for his lack of self-discipline to go unhindered. Read the following 43 quotes from this quirky next-door neighbor.

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: “…you're perfect. You're a calculating, coldhearted businesswoman.” | Source: AmoDays

Humorous Kramer Quotes

"You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I'd be standing here about to solve the world's energy problems, I would've said you're crazy...Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window." — Cosmo Kramer

“Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.” – Cosmo Kramer

“Moles—freckles' ugly cousin.” — Cosmo Kramer

"Look away, I’m hideous!" — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: “Moles—freckles' ugly cousin.” | Source: AmoDays

"Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like 'American Gladiators.'" — Cosmo Kramer

“It’s disgusting. I’m sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me.” — Cosmo Kramer

"I love the name ‘Isosceles.’ If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer." — Cosmo Kramer

“You know, I got a great idea for a cologne. ‘The Beach’. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.” — Cosmo Kramer

"They don’t have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry. I don’t know what’s going on with the papayas!” — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: "Look away, I’m hideous!" | Source: AmoDays

”Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure…my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.” — Cosmo Kramer

“I’ve seen moles so big they have their own moles. Freckles that cover two men.” — Cosmo Kramer

“If you’re not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.” — Cosmo Kramer

Insulting Kramer Quotes

"You’re a rabid anti-dentite!" — Cosmo Kramer

"You know how there's some people you worry about whether you're going to hurt their feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. I'd like to get it on video, watch it in slow motion and freeze-frame it. Oh ho, yeah." — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: “Well, you’re just as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.” | Source: AmoDays

“Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?” — Cosmo Kramer

“Well, you’re just as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.” — Cosmo Kramer

Kramer Quotes to or about Women

“A bra is for ladies. I’m talking about a support undergarment specifically designed for men.” — Cosmo Kramer

“She sends you an enticing photo, you send her one right back.” — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: “She’s got everything I’ve always wanted in another human being. Except for the walking.” | Source: AmoDays

“…you're perfect. You're a calculating, coldhearted businesswoman.” — Cosmo Kramer

“There’s nothing more pathetic than a grown man who’s afraid of a woman.” — Cosmo Kramer

“She’s got everything I’ve always wanted in another human being. Except for the walking.” — Cosmo Kramer

More Quirky Kramer Quotes

"Marriage? Family? They're prisons...Man-made prisons.” — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: “Yeah, Jerry, I’m telling you I have this power. And I have no control over it.” | Source: AmoDays

“Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint—it’s delicious.” — Cosmo Kramer

“That’s it, George. Come on, come on. Give it to me. Come on, work it. Work it. Yeah be a man, be a man.” – Cosmo Kramer

“Hey, I’m on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.” – Cosmo Kramer

"The bus is outta control!" — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: "Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man." | Source: AmoDays

“Because I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you’ve got problems.” – Cosmo Kramer

“Well, you know what they say, you don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.” — Cosmo Kramer

"'Hey, denty!' Next thing you know you'll be saying, 'They should have their own schools.'" — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: "Marriage? Family? They're prisons...Man-made prisons.” | Source: AmoDays

"I’m out there, Jerry. And I’m loving every minute of it!" — Cosmo Kramer

"Do not call him Bob. It’s Maestro. He is a conductor, you know." — Cosmo Kramer

“Jerry, I know myself. If I’m out on the street and it starts to go down, I don’t back off until it’s finished.” — Cosmo Kramer

"I got news for you: Handicapped people, they don't even want to park there! They wanna be treated just like anybody else! That's why, those spaces are always empty." — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: “Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?” | Source: AmoDays

"You contribute nothing to society!" — Cosmo Kramer

"You ever dream in 3-D? It's like the boogeyman is coming right at you." — Cosmo Kramer

"Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man." — Cosmo Kramer

“Yeah, Jerry, I’m telling you I have this power. And I have no control over it.” — Cosmo Kramer

"Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious." — Cosmo Kramer

Cosmo Kramer’s quote: “I was living in twilight, George. Living in the shadows. Living in the darkness…like you.” | Source: AmoDays

The name "Seinfeld" still strikes a chord with many, even if they haven't watched the American sitcom that began airing in the 80s. The series follows Jerry Seinfeld, who lives in the Big Apple, and his adventures with his friends.

The show was highly successful, grabbing ten Primetime Emmys during its heyday. To learn about a more recent series and fresh take on friends living in New York City, read these 34 "Broad City" quotes.