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47 ‘The Office’ Quotes from Prison Mike and His Fellow Office Jailbirds

Dayna Remus
Sep 23, 2022
05:00 A.M.
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Fans of "The Office" are familiar with the many cringe antics of the worst boss, Michael Scott. However, few of them come close to his decision to create "Prison Mike." Read the 47 quotes below to remind yourself of just how terrible a manager he truly was.

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"Prison Mike" is a stereotypical persona that the infamous boss from "The Office," Michael Scott, took on in the season three episode, "The Convict." In this episode, Scott chooses to embody this made-up character of his to teach his employees about prison after learning that one of them was once behind bars.

The ignorant, clichéd, and even offensive nature of how he approaches this situation is what makes for good comedy — at least for fans of the show. Others, not so much.

Steve Carrell, the man who played Michael Scott, said in an interview that the heightened awareness around offensive behavior had increased. While he finds this to be a good thing, he stated, it would not bode well for the show that risqué humor spans almost every episode.

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Read the following 47 quotes and decide whether "The Office" is comical or something to be banished forever to remain strictly in the early 2000s when it first aired.

Michael Scott’s quote: "I'm Prison Mike! You know why they call me Prison Mike?" | Image: AmoDays

Michael Scott’s quote: "I'm Prison Mike! You know why they call me Prison Mike?" | Image: AmoDays

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Michael Scott's Prison Mike Quotes on Life behind Bars

"Why don't we pump some iron? Anyone wanna pump up?" — Michael Scott

"Okay. You know what, Toby? I am teaching them a lesson." — Michael Scott

"Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford to the convict to my friend, back to a convict, then to kind of a nuisance actually, if we can be completely honest. And finally, to a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black." — Michael Scott

"Look, prison stinks, is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home, recharge your batteries, come back in the morning, and be with your friends having fun in the office." — Michael Scott

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"I'm Prison Mike! You know why they call me Prison Mike?" — Michael Scott

Michael Scott’s quote: "The worst thing about prison was the — was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place.” | Image: AmoDays

Michael Scott’s quote: "The worst thing about prison was the — was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place.” | Image: AmoDays

"Okay! Listen up, everybody! Um, you guys said that prison was better than this place, and I heard ya, loud and clear, so, I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison." — Michael Scott

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"No. That's not cool. You don't have to tell them." — Michael Scott

"Ah. Well, that's not true." — Michael Scott

"Okay. Okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great? All right. Well, here you go." — Michael Scott

"Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special—baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, 'Yo, that's shizzle.' Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you." — Michael Scott

Michael Scott’s quote: "Pam, tell me a white person you trust." | Image: AmoDays

Michael Scott’s quote: "Pam, tell me a white person you trust." | Image: AmoDays

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"I stole, and I robbed, and I kidnapped the President's son and held him for ransom." — Michael Scott

"Ah. Good, good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I trust him completely and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb person." — Michael Scott

"Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Andy. Thanks." — Michael Scott

"The worst thing about prison was the — was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place, and they were scary, and then they'd come down, and they'd suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!" — Michael Scott

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"No, not 'Harry Potter.' There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves!" — Michael Scott

Michael Scott’s quote: "I stole, and I robbed, and I kidnapped the President's son and held him for ransom." | Image: AmoDays

Michael Scott’s quote: "I stole, and I robbed, and I kidnapped the President's son and held him for ransom." | Image: AmoDays

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"Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall?" — Michael Scott

"Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair." — Michael Scott

"Okay, nutcases, get out of there! Good work. Long day. Really long. Why don't you guys head home early? Time off for good behavior! Heh. Good job. Enjoy your freedoms!" — Michael Scott

"Pam, tell me a white person you trust." — Michael Scott

Michael Scott’s quote: "Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair." | Image: AmoDays

Michael Scott’s quote: "Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair." | Image: AmoDays

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"In our society, a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened." — Michael Scott

"You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap!" — Michael Scott

"I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me—letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! A good life. So, what do you think? It doesn't sound so great, does it?" — Michael Scott

"Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy, who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake." — Michael Scott

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"Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight." — Michael Scott

Michael Scott’s quote: "And I nevah got caught, neither." | Image: AmoDays

Michael Scott’s quote: "And I nevah got caught, neither." | Image: AmoDays

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"These people don't realize how lucky they are. This office is the American dream. And they would rather be in the hole." — Michael Scott

"And I nevah got caught, neither." — Michael Scott

"So, what we need to do is to forget about this whole Martin in prison thing. People will draw unfair conclusions about Martin, and, or black people." — Michael Scott

"You're such a racist" — Michael Scott

Quotes from Fellow Convicts

"Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?" — Angela Martin

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Dwight Schrute’s quote: "I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German… I do not like criminals."  | Image: AmoDays

Dwight Schrute’s quote: "I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German… I do not like criminals." | Image: AmoDays

"Michael, please." — Ryan Bailey Howard

"Well, you're... in... prison, but, mmhmm." — Jim Halpert

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"So, not prison." — Jim Halpert

"Wow. Prison sounds horrible." — Andy Bernard

"Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?" — Angela Martin

Pam Beesley’s quote: "Kinda sounds like a prison is better than Dunder-Mifflin."  | Image: AmoDays

Pam Beesley’s quote: "Kinda sounds like a prison is better than Dunder-Mifflin." | Image: AmoDays

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"Sure. Let's protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely visited corner of the office, naturally, I agree with that." — Angela Martin

"I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals." — Dwight Schrute

"What did you do, Prison Mike?" — Jim Halpert

"Dementors like in Harry Potter?" — Angela Martin

"Prison Mike, what's the very, very worst thing about prison?" — Dwight Schrute

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Jim Halpert’s quote: "What did you do, Prison Mike?" | Image: AmoDays

Jim Halpert’s quote: "What did you do, Prison Mike?" | Image: AmoDays

"Don't encourage him, Dwight." — Angela Martin

"Prison Mike, what was the food like in prison?" — Pam Beesley

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"That is... quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike." — Jim Halpert

"Kinda sounds like a prison is better than Dunder-Mifflin." — Pam Beesley

"I would so rather be in prison." — Kevin

Angela Martin’s quote: "Don't encourage him, Dwight." | Image: AmoDays

Angela Martin’s quote: "Don't encourage him, Dwight." | Image: AmoDays

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"Wait. Why am I a racist?" — Kevin

"Prison sounds great." — Pam Beesley

"Where did you learn all of this?" — Jim Halpert

 Michael Scott’s quote: "I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me—letting me be a part of your life today." | Image: AmoDays

Michael Scott’s quote: "I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me—letting me be a part of your life today." | Image: AmoDays

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Strangely enough, the series has re-emerged in popularity within the last few years, taking on an almost cult-like status. So whether these quotes made your blood boil or brought you a few giggles, it looks like the series has become an iconic staple in pop culture.

It is no surprise that, concerning the humor in the show, Ricky Gervais was a massive catalyst for its creation. He co-created and starred in the original UK version and was also a co-creator of this US version. This show was highly acclaimed, with 195 nominations and 51 wins, of which five were Primetime Emmys.

To find out more about another loved yet contentious series, read these 46 "Rick & Morty" quotes.

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