45 Lord Farquaad Quotes for a Not-So-Happily-Ever-after

From Fiona, Donkey, and Shrek himself, all the characters in the "Shrek" enterprise employ solid and distinct personalities, including that of the memorable antagonist Lord Farquaad. Please read 45 of his memorable one-liners below.

Lord Farquaad is a villain in the "Shrek" series appearing in the first film, the musical, and "Shrek 4-D." In the first movie, this Lord and dictator of Duloc is on a mission to wipe out all fairytale creatures.

He is also set on becoming the official King of the land by marrying Princess Fiona, but an ogre, Shrek, thwarts his plan by falling in love with the Princess.

Lord Farquaad is arrogant, cruel, selfish, and ignorant, yet one can't help but laugh at the humorous aspects of his personality and witty quips. Read 45 quotes from the antagonist below.

Lord Farquaad’s quote: "Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." | Image: AmoDays

Chuckle-Worthy Lord Farquaad Quotes

"[Playing with Gingerbread's legs] Run, run, run as fast as you can / You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!" — Lord Farquaad

"The winner of this tournament - no, no, the privilege - will have the honor of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make." — Lord Farquaad

"Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?" — Lord Farquaad

"I will have order! I will have perfection! [Gets eaten by dragon]" — Lord Farquaad

"Yes, I know the Muffin Man. W-who lives on Drury Lane?" — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad’s quote: "Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?" | Image: AmoDays

Lord Farquaad Quotes on His Quest to Become King

"Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our happily ever after. Now kiss me!" — Lord Farquaad

"Oh! Anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!" — Lord Farquaad

"Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament." — Lord Farquaad

"Fiona, my ghostly queen, where are you?" — Lord Farquaad

"Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him." — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "Princess Fiona... she's perfect!" | Image: AmoDays

"Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for [I] have never seen such radiant beauty before." — Lord Farquaad

"I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!" — Lord Farquaad

"See you on the other side, princess." — Lord Farquaad

"I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?" — Lord Farquaad

"Princess Fiona... she's perfect! All I have to do is just find someone who can go..." — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for [I] have never seen such radiant beauty before." | Image: AmoDays

"You might as well stop struggling, Princess. Soon, you and I will be together forever. With you as my spirit queen, I'll be king of the underworld!" — Lord Farquaad

"Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!" — Lord Farquaad

"Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the Princess." — Lord Farquaad

"This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me King!" — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad Nasty Quotes to or about Shrek

"Congratulations, ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest." — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings." | Image: AmoDays

"The ogre has fallen in love with the Princess! Oh, good, Lord." — Lord Farquaad

"Knight, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!" — Lord Farquaad

"What are you doing, you insolent beast? I'll see you drawn and quartered!" — Lord Farquaad

"That is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings." — Lord Farquaad

"All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back." — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "Knight, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!" | Image: AmoDays

Furious and Demanding Lord Farquaad Quotes

"I'm not the monster here; YOU are! You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world." — Lord Farquaad

"Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!" — Lord Farquaad

"Well then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in." — Lord Farquaad

"Now tell me, where are the others?" — Lord Farquaad

"I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You [will] beg for death to save you!" — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "I'm not the monster here; YOU are! You and the rest of that fairytale trash…” | Image: AmoDays

"I've tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll..." — Lord Farquaad

"Again. Show me again." — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad Quotes of His Ongoing Dribble

"You were saying?" — Lord Farquaad

"That's enough. He's ready to talk." — Lord Farquaad

"The Muffin Man?" — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "It's disgusting!" | Image: AmoDays

"Uh, it was just a joke. Stay away from me." — Lord Farquaad

"All right, then! Who's hiding them?" — Lord Farquaad

"No. I have a better idea..." — Lord Farquaad

"Impossible! I thought they were dragon food!" — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "No. I have a better idea..." | Image: AmoDays

"Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" — Lord Farquaad

"As good as gone." — Lord Farquaad

"She's married to the Muffin Man..." — Lord Farquaad

"Now what does he want?" — Lord Farquaad

Lord Farquaad's quote: "Yes, I know the Muffin Man. W-who lives on Drury Lane?" | Image: AmoDays

The first Shrek movie came out in 2001 to resounding applause, so naturally, Dreamworks chose to put out more films, continuing to follow the adventures of the gold-hearted ogre with a rugged exterior.

Currently, there are four Shrek movies on the circuit. "Shrek 2" came out in 2004, "Shrek the Third" in 2007, and "Shrek Forever After" in 2010. A fifth movie will come out, with mixed reports on the official release date.

While we wait for this next fairytale adventure, why not read these 55 "Shrek" quotes that true fans will never forget?