32 'Jingle All the Way' Quotes – Comedy with Arnold Schwarzenegger

The 1996 American Christmas comedy film "Jingle All the Way" starring Arnold Schwarzenegger has become a beloved classic for many during the holiday season. Read these 32 of the most iconic "Jingle All the Way" quotes that will put a smile on your face during the holidays.

"Jingle All the Way" is a 1996 holiday comedy movie directed by Brian Levant and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, and Phil Hartman. The film follows the story of a father named Howard Langston, played by Schwarzenegger, who is desperate to get his hands on the season's hottest toy, Turbo-Man, for his son on Christmas Day.

Howard's quest for the toy takes him on a wild adventure through the bustling city of Minneapolis, where he meets a rival toy hunter named Myron Larabee, played by Sinbad, and a neighbor named Ted, played by Hartman.

The film, filled with laughs and memorable moments, spawned a variety of merchandise and even a comic book adaptation, cementing its place in pop culture history. Read these 32 "Jingle All the Way" unforgettable quotes that have stood the test of time.

Turbo Man's quote: "You can always count on me." | Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

'Jingle All the Way' Quotes from Howard Langston

"Put that cookie down! Now!" — Howard Langston

"I'm not a pervert! I was just looking for a Turbo-Man doll!" — Howard Langston

"Hey, Rudolph, can I buy you another round?" — Howard Langston

"You know what you guys are? Nothing but a bunch of sleazy con men in red suits." — Howard Langston

Howard Langston's quote: "Put that cookie down! Now!" | Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

"So, champ, are those hands registered weapons yet?" — Howard Langston

"Ted, what the hell are you doing on my roof?" — Howard Langston

'Jingle All the Way' Quotes That Have Already Become Iconic

"I'll know if you move 'cause I have the ears of a snake!" — Myron Larabee

"How about these stupid letters from kids to Santa at the North Pole, 'Dear Santa, can you send me a bike and a slinky?' No! Your father's been laid off!" — Myron Larabee

"That really was a bomb? This is a sick world we are living in with sick people." — Myron Larabee

Howard Langston's quote: "So, champ, are those hands registered weapons yet?" | Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

"Ta-ta, Turtleman!" — Myron Larabee

"They sit there and use subliminal messages to suck your children's minds out! And I know what I'm talking about because I went to junior college for a semester, and I studied psychology, so I'm right in there. I know what's going on. And then they sit there, and they make your children feel like garbage, and you, the father, who's working 24/7 delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment... but me! And then when you get the toy, it breaks, and you can't fix it because it's a little cheap plastic!" — Myron Larabee

"We're not just doing this for us. We're doing it for the kids. For every kid who ever sat on Santa's lap. For every little girl who left cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas night. For every little boy who opens a package on Christmas morning and finds clothes instead of toys. It breaks my heart." — Mall Santa

"I'm gonna deck your halls, bub!" — Giant Santa

Myron Larabee's quote: "Ta-ta, Turtleman!" | Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

"I want the Turbo-Man action figure with the arms and legs that move and the boomerang shooter and his rock 'n roller jetpack and the realistic voice activator that says five different phrases including, 'It's turbo time!' Accessories sold separately; batteries not included." — Jamie Langston

"It's the Grinch! Scatter!" — Tony the Elf

"It's Turbo time!" — Turbo Man

"You can always count on me." — Turbo Man

Tony the Elf's quote: "It's the Grinch! Scatter!" | Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

'Jingle All the Way' Quotes: The Funniest Dialogues

Howard Langston: "I gotta tell you, Santa, there's something about this place that doesn't seem quite Kosher." / Mall Santa: "Kosher? This coming from a guy who assaulted a toddler for a super ball?" — "Jingle All the Way"

Ted Maltin: "Howard, they say it might get icy later. You might wanna wrap some chains around those tires." / Howard Langston: "Maybe I should wrap some chains around you." — "Jingle All the Way"

Mall Santa: "Ah! That'll be 300." / Howard Langston: "Dollars?" / Mall Santa: "No, chocolate kisses; yes, dollars!" / Howard Langston: "I can't believe this; whatever happened to your lofty ideas huh? I thought you're doing all this for the kids." / Mall Santa: "Well, sure, but I don't see why we can't pick up a little loose change in the process." — "Jingle All the Way"

Jamie Langston: "It's like Turbo-Man says, 'Always keep your promises if you want to keep your friends.'" / Howard Langston: "Enough! Enough with this Turbo-Man, okay? I have had it up to here with this Turbo-Man! If there's anybody I don't want advice from right now, it's Turbo-Man!" — "Jingle All the Way"

Quote from "Jingle All the Way":\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\u00a0Ted Maltin: "Howard, they say it might get icy later. You might wanna wrap some chains around those tires." / Howard Langston: "Maybe I should wrap some chains around you."\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\u00a0| Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

Howard Langston: "You guys are nothing but a bunch of sleazy conmen in red suits." / Mall Santa: "What did you call us?" / Howard Langston: "You heard me right. Conmen. Thieves... Low-lifes. Thugs. Criminals!" / Mall Santa: "At the North Pole, them are fightin' words, partner." — "Jingle All the Way"

Howard Langston: "I couldn't find the kid a doll. Now, does that make me a bad father? No. But yelling at him for no good reason. Now, that makes me a bad father." / Myron Larabee: "Look, we get one chance a year to prove we're not screw-ups, and what do we do? We screw it up!" / Howard Langston: "I remember a few years ago, I really wanted to do something special for Jamie. So, I built him his own clubhouse. It came out great. Oh, well the door was a little crooked, right? The roof didn't sit quite right. But you should have seen his face light up! Ah, when he saw that, he was so excited. We played in that clubhouse the entire day. He even made us have Christmas dinner in it." / Myron Larabee: "No!" / Howard Langston: "Oh, yeah. I was the hero then. Look at me now." / Myron Larabee: "You're right. That kid's gonna need some serious therapy, man." — "Jingle All the Way"

Howard Langston: "This can't happen. It's just a doll. It's just a stupid little plastic doll." / Myron Larabee: "Ah, ah. That's 'action figure.'" — "Jingle All the Way"

Myron Larabee: "I work for the post office so you know I'm not stable! Tell 'em!" / Howard Langston: "This man is totally insane." / Myron Larabee: "Thank you!" — "Jingle All the Way"

Quote from "Jingle All the Way":\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\u00a0Howard Langston: "This can't happen. It's just a doll. It's just a stupid little plastic doll." / Myron Larabee: "Ah, ah. That's 'action figure.'"\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\u00a0| Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

Santa at the Door: "Password." / Mall Santa: "Jingle bells, Batman smells." — "Jingle All the Way"

"Mall Santa: Hey, Pal, you want a Turbo Man for Christmas? / Howard Langston: Forget it, I'm not gonna sit on your lap. / Mall Santa: Hey, Chief, that's not my bag... Get it?" — "Jingle All the Way"

"Howard Langston: Can I talk to my wife? / Ted: I think she is in the shower, Howard. Do you want me to check? / Howard Langston: NO!" — "Jingle All the Way"

Howard Langston's quote: "You're my number one customer!" | Source: Facebook.com/JingleAllTheWayMovies

Like any movie, "Jingle All the Way" has flaws and limitations. Some viewers remarked that the film revolves around a father going to extreme lengths to obtain a popular toy for his son, which some critics argue perpetuates a culture of consumerism and materialism.

Despite receiving mixed reviews upon its release, "Jingle All the Way" has become a beloved holiday classic, known for its hilarious moments, over-the-top action sequences, and iconic one-liners. Read these quotes from another movie with memorable lines.