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A Photo of Damon Salvatore with the Quote, "You Know, I Really Liked You a Whole Lot Better When You Hated Everybody." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries
A Photo of Damon Salvatore with the Quote, "You Know, I Really Liked You a Whole Lot Better When You Hated Everybody." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

25 Funny Damon Salvatore Quotes from the Charismatic Vampire

Akhona Zungu
May 24, 2023
05:00 P.M.
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Damon Salvatore was one of those villains who coupled their menacing nature with a compelling complexity and charisma. Even when his deeds inspired rage among viewers worldwide, it was hard not to like him. The quotes below give a little peek into his funny side.

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"The Vampire Diaries" depicts a supernatural world filled with creatures who must kill to survive. It is riddled with love triangles, death, and violence, which can be overwhelming if that's all a story offers its viewer/reader.

Despite being among the blood-sucking beings who lived immortal lives if they were careful, Damon Salvatore gained a reputation for being one of the most formidable vampires and for bringing much-needed comic relief to the show. Without much context, have a laugh as you read some of his quotes below.

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "You're dead, dude. Get over it." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "You're dead, dude. Get over it." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

Damon Salvatore's Sarcasm

"Dear diary, a chipmunk asked my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie will haunt me forever." — Damon Salvator

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"Aren't you worried that one day all the forest animals are going to band together and fight back? I mean, surely they talk." — Damon Salvator

"Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you not being the dumbest brother on Earth?" — Damon Salvator

"Am I wearing my 'I blew up the council’ t-shirt? Why does everybody keep asking me that?" — Damon Salvator

"Meredith: Tell me that is not a bomb.

Damon: Okay, it's a kitten. It's an adorable, exploding kitten." — "The Vampire Diaries"

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "I don't do the big brother thing very well, so I don't have any milk and cookies to offer you." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "I don't do the big brother thing very well, so I don't have any milk and cookies to offer you." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

Damon Salvatore Being Quite Frank

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"You do realize you are dating a reformed serial killer, right?" — Damon Salvator

"You're dead, dude. Get over it." — Damon Salvator

"Well, Matt lives to hate vampires another day, Stefan's on Caroline duty, and I just introduced Mom to Uber. I'm taking bets on which one goes South first." — Damon Salvator

"Most people would take that as a hint." — Damon Salvator

"Katherine: Bad day?

Damon: Bad century." — "The Vampire Diaries"

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "Stefan's different. He wants the whole human experience. He wants to feel every episode of 'How I Met Your Mother.'" | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "Stefan's different. He wants the whole human experience. He wants to feel every episode of 'How I Met Your Mother.'" | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

"I mean, you're practically flunking, missed 100 days of school, and you can barely spell the word 'cat,' but sure. He was fine with it." — Damon Salvator

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"You know, I really liked you a whole lot better when you hated everybody." — Damon Salvator

"I don't do the big brother thing very well, so I don't have any milk and cookies to offer you." — Damon Salvator

Damon Salvatore's Shining Personality

"I saw that from a mile away, and my brain's made of cotton!" — Damon Salvator

"Elena: Please don't do anything stupid.

Damon: Yeah, but stupid's so much more fun!" — "The Vampire Diaries"

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, ""What's so special about this Bella girl? Edward's so whipped!" | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, ""What's so special about this Bella girl? Edward's so whipped!" | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

"I like being a living dead person." — Damon Salvator

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"Vampires can't procreate. But we love to try." — Damon Salvator

"Well, the vervain keeps me out of her head. Maybe that's not my target. Believe it or not, Stefan, some girls don't need my persuasion. Some girls just can't resist my good looks, my style, my charm…and my unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift." — Damon Salvator

"Stefan's different. He wants the whole human experience. He wants to feel every episode of 'How I Met Your Mother.'" — Damon Salvator

"Ugh, you were so much more fun when you were asleep." — Damon Salvator

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "Jeremy: Give me a stake. I'll kill Damon right now. Damon: Easy, Van Helsing." | Source: Facebook/vampirediaries

A photo of Damon Salvatore with the quote, "Jeremy: Give me a stake. I'll kill Damon right now. Damon: Easy, Van Helsing." | Source: Facebook/vampirediaries

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"Jeremy: Give me a stake. I'll kill Damon right now.

Damon: Easy, Van Helsing." — "The Vampire Diaries"

"[Damon opens door to Elena]

Damon: Good morning to you, little miss I'm on a mission.

Elena: How can you be so arrogant and glip after everything that you have done?

Damon: And how can you be so brave and stupid to call a vampire arrogant and glip?

Elena: If you wanted me dead I would be dead.

Elena: But I'm not.

Damon: Yet." — "The Vampire Diaries"

"What's so special about this Bella girl? Edward's so whipped!" — Damon Salvator

"There's no such thing as bad ideas, only poorly executed awesome ones." — Damon Salvator

"If I hear the word doppelganger one more time, I think I'm actually gonna have to learn how to spell it." — Damon Salvator

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A photo from "The Vampire Diaries" with the quote, "There's no such thing as bad ideas, only poorly executed awesome ones." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

A photo from "The Vampire Diaries" with the quote, "There's no such thing as bad ideas, only poorly executed awesome ones." | Source: Facebook/thevampirediaries

Because of his sarcasm and the perfectly-timed delivery of his one-liners, among other things, Damon became one of the most beloved characters in "The Vampire Diaries." Even when he enraged his fans, his humor opened a window to their empathy when the show's creators delved deeper into his iron shell.

Ian Somerhalder brilliantly portrayed Damon Salvatore in a way that didn't excuse his malicious nature and resistance to vulnerability but also made room for why those traits seemed to define him, at least initially. Things changed when Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev, who starred alongside Kat Graham) came into his life.

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