33 Hilarious 'Kindergarten Cop' Quotes from the 1990 Action-Comedy Film

As a dedicated cop, Detective John Kimble pretended to be a kindergarten teacher to locate a criminal's ex-wife and put him behind bars. However, he finds himself in a predicament, being new to handling many kids.

Detective John Kimble had tried and failed to place drug kingpin Cullen Crisp behind bars several times. Kimble tries to catch Crisp through his ex-wife and young son, this being his last chance.

He then goes undercover as a substitute kindergarten teacher, handling a classroom of students daily without blowing his cover. Kimble's transition from being a tough and strict cop to opening his heart to kids became the heart of the story, besides the actual plot itself.

Interestingly, actor Arnold Schwarzenneger, who has starred in several successful action films, considers "Kindergarten Cop" his favorite production to film. The actor loved working with children and saw the movie as different from his usual starring roles.

Detective John Kimble's quote in "Kindergarten Cop:" "I'm a cop, you idiot!" | Source: AmoDays

'Kindergarten Cop' Quotes from Detective John Kimble

"I'm going to ask a bunch of questions, and I want to have them answered immediately." – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"No more complaining. No more 'Mr. Kimble, I have to go the bathroom.' Nothing! There is no bathroom!" – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Freeze! Don't you know the building is on fire?" – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"We're going to play a wonderful game called..."Who is my daddy and what does he do?" – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"I'm a cop, you idiot!" – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

Detective John Kimble's quote in "Kindergarten Cop:" "You hit a kid, I hit you." | Source: AmoDays

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Stop whining! You kids are soft. You lack discipline." – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Well, I've got news for you. You are mine now. You belong to me." – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"You hit a kid, I hit you." – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

Detective Phoebe O'Hara's quote in "Kindergarten Cop:" "Listen, Kimble. You've gotta handle this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared." | Source: AmoDays

"You're not worth it. I'm pressing charges against you." – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"He's not your hostage; he's your son." – John Kimble, 'Kindergarten Cop'

'Kindergarten Cop' Quotes from Detective Phoebe O'Hara

"Look, you've got to treat this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared." – Phoebe O'Hara, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"You're not so tough without your car, are you?" – Phoebe O'Hara, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Listen, Kimble. You've gotta handle this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared." – Phoebe O'Hara, 'Kindergarten Cop'

Detective John Kimble and Dominic's dialogue in "Kindergarten Cop:" "Kimble: I really appreciate your honesty. You happen to know someone that is not better than me? ; Dominic: I don't know that many people." | Source: AmoDays

Hilarious 'Kindergarten Cop' Quotes and Dialogues

"Joshua: Are you married, Mr. Kimble?

Kimble: No, I'm not.

Joshua: He's not married, Mom!" – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Joseph: Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.

Phoebe: Well, I see you've covered the basics." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Kimble: Are these all your lunches?

[boy shakes his head]

Kimble: You mean you eat other people's lunches?

[boy nods]

Kimble: Stop it!" – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Kimble: I really appreciate your honesty. You happen to know someone that is not better than me?

Dominic: I don't know that many people." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

Detective John Kimble and Phoebe O'Hara's dialogue in "Kindergarten Cop:" "Detective John Kimble: They're six-year-old kids. How much trouble can they be? ; Phoebe O'Hara: On second thought, take the gun." | Source: AmoDays

"Kimble: Get some rest, and don't worry. I've been working undercover for a long time. They're six-year-old. How much trouble can they be?

Phoebe: On second thought, take the gun." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Kimble: Just don't throw up on me.

Phoebe: Nah, it's ok. I'm not gonna throw up on you. But I am gonna kiss you." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Kimble: I have a headache.

Lowell: It might be a tumor.

Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor. At all!" – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Detective John Kimble: They're six-year-old kids. How much trouble can they be?

Phoebe O'Hara: On second thought, take the gun." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Phoebe: Well, what are you going to do? Handcuff her to the bumper of your car and take her for a ride?

Detective John Kimble: Let's just say I'm not going to offer to cook her dinner." – 'Kindergarten Cop

Detective John Kimble's dialogue with students in "Kindergarten Cop:" "Kimble: What I meant was, you tell me who is your daddy, and what does he do? Get it? We start right here. You. ; Girl 1: My dad repairs cars driven by women who are pinheads." | Source: AmoDays

"Kimble: Emma, take your toy back to the carpet.

Emma: I'm not a policeman; I'm a princess." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Phoebe: How'd it go?

Kimble: Go away.

Phoebe: It went that well, huh?" – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Kimble: What I meant was...you tell me...who is your daddy, and what does he do? Get it? We start right here. [points to a girl] You.

Girl 1: My dad repairs cars driven by women who are pinheads.

Boy 1: My dad doesn't do anything since the crash." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell, she went to see someone.

Lowell: Did they die?

Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell.

Lowell: Everyone dies, you know." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"Assistant: Aren't you going to break them up?

Joyce's quote in "Kindergarten Cop:" "You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it.” | Source: AmoDays

Miss Schlowski: No, two more days of this, then he'll quit." – 'Kindergarten Cop'

"You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it." – Joyce, 'Kindergarten Cop'

"My daddy works on a computer all day and is the head of his company, and he, um, he has a mustache and a beard, and he... he doesn't have a lot of hair, and cuz... um, since his head is so big, he can't wear any hats." – Emma, 'Kindergarten Cop'

John Kimble's quote in "Kindergarten Cop:" "You're not worth it. I'm pressing charges against you." | Source: AmoDays

Like the film, Arnold Schwarzenegger also had the chance to be surrounded by children as a father of five. He is also a proud grandfather and enjoys playing with his grandkids on his farm.

Schwarzenegger also starred in the 1996 comedy "Jingle All the Way." Read 32 quotes from the holiday film to put a smile on your face.