30 Niles Crane from ‘Frasier’s’ Hilarious & Snooty Family Therapist
Beyond being extremely funny, Niles Crane is an interesting character with many contradicting traits. This is what makes him so endearing. Read his 30 quotes below.
Niles Crane is a central character on the sitcom "Frasier." He works in family and marriage therapy, although he struggles in his marriage to his wife, Maris.
Crane is quite a shallow and snobby individual focused on social status and enjoys the finer things in life. At the same time, he is loving and loyal. Find out more about this complex and hilarious character by reading the 30 quotes below.
Absurdly Funny Niles Crane Quotes
“It smells like a fish died, and all the other fish sent flowers.” — Niles Crane
"I thought I'd sit alone in my cavernous apartment while rocking back and forth while hugging my knees." — Niles Crane
"What are you doing for the rest of your life?" — Niles Crane
"Maris never held hands. She had a slight webbing—made her self-conscious." — Niles Crane
“Last night, I dreamt my flour sack was abducted, and the kidnappers started sending me muffins in the mail." — Niles Crane
Sarcastic and Grumpy Niles Crane Quotes
"You touched me. Now we have to get married." — Niles Crane
“A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.” — Niles Crane
"How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia." — Niles Crane
“Well, no wonder you're heartbroken; you've just lost the only woman you could even possibly sometime down the line perhaps fall in love with. I'm surprised the country music people haven't jumped all over this one!” — Niles Crane
“Are you quite finished undressing him with your eyes?” — Niles Crane
"I'm fine now. Don't touch me." — Niles Crane
More Niles Crane Quotes That Will Leave You in Stitches
“Can I get a straw, please?...The last straw.” — Niles Crane
"All my life, I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library and go to the card catalog and see my name under 'mental illness.'" — Niles Crane
"That woman is flirting with me. This is my 'I'm available' face." — Niles Crane
"I had my 'fear of abandonment' workshop today, and I've already been a no-show twice." — Niles Crane
“I've always liked the notion of meeting the great figures of history. But then I think: what if it's like high school and all the really cool dead people don't want to hang out with me? Mozart'll tell me he's busy, but then later I'll see him out with Shakespeare and Lincoln!” — Niles Crane
“I really must run. I'm due at my sexual addiction group, and I don't like to leave them alone for too long.” — Niles Crane
"My Taekwondo instructor tells me I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening." — Niles Crane
"I'm conducting a seminar on multiple personality disorders, and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags." — Niles Crane
"They [lawyers] make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance, and they never get better.” — Niles Crane
“You ever noticed how much faster he moves when he's wrong?” — Niles Crane
Serious Niles Crane Quotes
"Don't you dare call me irrational! You know that makes me crazy!" — Niles Crane
"I find myself thinking about you. It's not going to stop." — Niles Crane
Well, as some illustrious person once said, 'Popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.'" — Niles Crane
"I don't care! Niles gotta have it!" — Niles Crane
“It is possible to move a relationship along too fast and ultimately marry too hastily. You could find, a few years down the line, that the person isn't really right for you, and then what happens if you meet the right person?” — Niles Crane
More Niles Crane Quotes
"You know I don't lift." — Niles Crane
“It's my dog, my new best friend.” — Niles Crane
"The city streets play havoc with her delicate little feet, so I have to go home and pumice her paw pads." — Niles Crane
“Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys; but this is an imposition.” — Niles Crane
David Hyde Pierce played Crane alongside Kelsey Grammer, who played the main character, Fraiser Crane. Other cast members included Jane Leeves, John Mahoney, Peri Gilpin, Bebe Neuwirth, Dan Butler, Jean Smart, and many more.
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