25 'Silicon Valley' Quotes From Gilfoyle, Jared, and Dinesh

As far as comedy programs go, "Silicon Valley" is up there with the very best. The multi-award nominated series received critical acclaim for its humor and writing, which can also be found in the quotes from three of the leading characters; Gilfoyle, Jared, and Dinesh.

"Silicon Valley" chronicles the hardships of Richard Hendricks, a programmer and upcoming entrepreneur, to keep his start-up company afloat in the large entity-dominated technology industry.

The show features many funny actors who portray the various characters. Here are quotes from three leading characters; Bertram Gilfoyle, Donald "Jared" Dunn, and Dinesh Chugtai.

Gilfoyle's quote: “People like to lie, Richard. It’s a war of all against all. The history of humanity is a book written in blood. We’re all just animals in a pit.” | Source: Amodays

Silicon Valley Quotes from Gilfoyle

"It’s not magic, it’s talent and sweat. People like me ensure your packets get delivered unsniffed.” — Gilfoyle

“Since your failure as a leader is a virtual certainty, tolerating your short reign as CEO in exchange for a front-row seat to the disaster seems fair. Plus, if I’m wrong, which I’m not, I get rich. So I’m down with it, Dinesh.” — Gilfoyle

“People like to lie, Richard. It’s a war of all against all. The history of humanity is a book written in blood. We’re all just animals in a pit.” — Gilfoyle

Makes me feel like I’ve died and gone to hell.” — Gilfoyle

“I’m sure you can find your way out with one of your two faces.” — Gilfoyle

Gilfoyle's quote: “I find parades to be impotent displays of authoritarianism.” | Source: Amodays

“Why do people covet the silly pieces of green cotton paper in their wallets? It’s because we are all sheep. And we’ve mutually agreed to endow certain things we value.” — Gilfoyle

“If the rise of an all-powerful artificial intelligence is inevitable, well it stands to reason that when they take power, our digital overlords will punish those of us who did not help them get there. Ergo, I would like to be a helpful idiot. Like yourself.” — Gilfoyle

“I find parades to be impotent displays of authoritarianism.” — Gilfoyle

Silicon Valley Quotes from Jared

“Oh, I was the sloppy girl in the discotheque, just twirling and twirling like the night would never end.” — Jared

“Okay, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Someone tell me how to feel.” — Jared

Jared's quote: “I know things have been a bit antagonistic between us. We've been like, uh, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan.” | Source: Amodays

“This fall, we actually had a herpes epidemic among the residents, which is bad medically, but... from another perspective, it's kind of touching.” — Jared

“You... are like the three musketeers of coding, except you are all d'Artagnan.” — Jared

“I know things have been a bit antagonistic between us. We've been like, uh, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan.” — Jared

“So, until a Richard Hendricks reports an assault, I-I technically can't turn myself in for it?” — Jared

“I've been agonizing over this. Not sleeping, not eating, I completely forgot my godson's 40th birthday.” — Jared

Dinesh's quote: “I used to be the Tesla guy in the office. I maxed out my credit cards to be able to afford that thing.” | Source: Amodays

“HR: I think once you see the conference room suites though, you'll really fall in love.

Jared: Well, I don't fall in love with rooms.” — Jared

Silicon Valley Quotes from Dinesh

“Why would people who aren’t refugees choose to come here and live like refugees? You know that’s not, like, a desirable thing, right? Living like a refugee? Ugh! This place is offensive to homeless people.” — Dinesh

“I used to be the Tesla guy in the office. I maxed out my credit cards to be able to afford that thing.” — Dinesh

“I love my Tesla. It has Insane Mode, which means it goes zero to 60 in 3.2 seconds, which is literally insane. But the Tesla that Danny ordered has Ludicrous Mode, which means it goes zero to 60 in 2.8 seconds. So it's gonna take me an entire 0.4 seconds longer to get to 60. I mean, how would you feel if one of your neighbors got a tiki head bigger than yours?” — Dinesh

“I don't wanna sound selfish, but sometimes I wish only I made money. You know?” — Dinesh

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Dinesh's quote: “It’s me! Pakistani Denzel! Yes!” | Source: Amodays

“That was an out-of-body experience. It was like God was coding through me. Time stood still.” — Dinesh

“It’s me! Pakistani Denzel! Yes!” — Dinesh

“On the off chance that this is an actual real woman, getting murdered seems like an acceptable risk.” — Dinesh

“I’m the exact same way. It being a movie doesn’t mean I’m going to like it.” — Dinesh

Jared's quote: “I've been agonizing over this. Not sleeping, not eating, I completely forgot my godson's 40th birthday.” | Source: Amodays

The three characters presented here have unique personas, highlighted by their quotes. For example, Gilfoyle is a pride-filled, egotistical Satanist, while Dinesh has a sarcastic personality and a desire for one-upmanship. The show also features funnyman Jimmy O. Yang as Jing-Yang.

Comedy fans can enjoy more laughs by reading these 30 "Game Night" quotes from the hit 2018 adventure comedy. The film stars Rachel McAdams and Jason Bateman.