23 Nandor the Relentless Quotes — A Soft Vampire from Comedy Horror Series

The vampire Nandor the Relentless, who has lived for uncountable years, can not help but deliver the funniest and most memorable lines as he navigates the United States in the modern age. Read 23 of his quotes to understand him and his bloodthirsty ways.

"What We do In the Shadows" is a mockumentary show based on the movie with a matching title. It focuses on the lives of vampires who live together in current-day Staten Island, New York.

Due to them having lived for extensive periods, they struggle to grapple with the modern world. Nandor the Relentless, a previous warlord, is not immune to this discomfort, which makes for some hilarious, iconic, and memorable lines.

Read 23 of his quotes below.

Nandor the Relentless, with his quote: “They would call me Nandor the Relentless because I would never relent.” | Source: Facebook.com/TheShadowsFX

Nandor the Relentless Hilarious Quotes

"Creepy paper. Creepy paper. Creepy-oh! Multipack!" ― Nandor the Relentless

"Nandor the Relentless: I would like us to get a colorful dust that sparkles.

Guillermo: Glitter?

Nandor the Relentless: Yes, get me some glitter.

Guillermo: Whatever for, Master?

Nandor the Relentless: Well, I want to do something special for the immortal one's arrival. I am going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. Like 'Twilight.'" ― "What We Do in the Shadows"

“Government Official: Please describe the right to bear arms.

Nandor: If it's a nice day, you should have the right to bare your arms.

Government Official: All right.Moving on.” ― "What We Do in the Shadows"

"Colin: This is science.

Nandor: But this is a turtle." ― "What We Do in the Shadows"

“It's a glitter portrait. It's a portrait made from glitter.” ― Nandor the Relentless

"But he should not have done so much slaughtering." ― Nandor the Relentless

“Cashier: Did you just throw a coin at me?

Nandor: Yes.

Cashier: Sir, you can't be throwing ancient coins at me.

Nandor: Guillermo, stab this man.

Guillermo: He's joking.

Nandor: Stab him.

Guillermo: I tried, and...here you go, man.

Cashier: Thank you so much.

Nandor: [to Guillermo] You kind of disobeyed me just now. And I'm noting it.” ― "What We Do in the Shadows"

Nandor the Relentless, with his quote: “It's a glitter portrait. It's a portrait made from glitter.” | Source: Facebook.com/TheShadowsFX

“I was a very ferocious soldier in the Ottoman Empire. Which meant a lot of killing, a lot of pillaging. People would say, ‘Please don’t pillage me!’ And I would say, ‘No, I’m pillaging everyone, you included.’” ― Nandor the Relentless

“They would call me Nandor the Relentless because I would never relent.” ― Nandor the Relentless

Nandor the Relentless Iconic Quotes

"Well, how am I going to eat if I don't prey on people, dummy?" — Nandor the Relentless

“It seems that government workers are immune to hypnotism. It's like their souls are dead or something.” ― Nandor the Relentless

Nandor the Relentless, with his quote: "Well, how am I going to eat if I don't prey on people, dummy?" | Source: Facebook.com/TheShadowsFX

"I ate John. I wept the entire meal. Even though he tasted delicious." ― Nandor the Relentless

"Arise! Arise! What is 'arise' again? Ctrl-Alt-7?" ― Nandor the Relentless

“You can’t hypnotize a subject that doesn’t want to do something that you want them to do.” ― Nandor the Relentless

Nandor the Relentless Memorable Quotes

"This 'Big Bang Theory' Is actually very good. Very faithful to the slot machine." ― Nandor the Relentless

Nandor the Relentless, with his quote: "All secret meetings take place in the fancy room." | Source: Facebook.com/TheShadowsFX

“This is not a joke!” ― Nandor the Relentless

"Count Bakula!" ― Nandor the Relentless

Nandor the Relentless, with his quote: “Listen to me, little man. From Panera bread you came, and to Panera bread you shall return.” | Source: Facebook.com/TheShadowsFX

“Guillermo is my familiar, but sometimes he's a little too familiar, you know what I mean? I mean, he's always just there." ― Nandor the Relentless

"I would not even remember your name if it wasn't written on the piece of paper I keep in my pocket at all times." ― Nandor the Relentless

“Listen to me, little man. From Panera bread you came, and to Panera bread you shall return.” ― Nandor the Relentless

Nandor the Relentless, with his quote: "I ate John. I wept the entire meal. Even though he tasted delicious.” | Source: Facebook.com/TheShadowsFX

These Nandor the Relentless quotes take a new approach to the vampire genre, stepping outside the serious and spooky portrayals and the more recent romantic and sparkling depictions.

Although quite absurd, it leaves one wondering if this is a more realistic representation of how vampires would react should they find themselves in contemporary society.

Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement are the show's directors, with some significant characters portrayed by Natasia Demetriou, Nick Kroll, and Kayvan Novak as Nandor the Relentless.

Dig deeper into this blood-obsessed universe by reading: 38 ‘Twilight’ Love Quotes and More That Make Fans’ Hearts Flutter.