38 Chief Wiggum Quotes from 'The Simpsons' Food-Loving Chief of Police

Chief Wiggum is an animated policeman in the celebrated animation series "The Simpsons," where he holds questionable morals and a skewed sense of duty toward his position of power. Read 38 quotes by him below.

Chief Wiggum, or Chief Clancy Wiggum, as he is referred to, is a recurring character on "The Simpsons" with a corrupt nature, a pro-gun stance, and a glutton.

Brandon Zachary, from CBR, wrote that this image would sit well with many individuals' views of the police today.

However, he stated, at the time it was released, the late 1980s, shows tended to predict cops as upstanding and dignified individuals, making this a novel and perhaps brave move on the part of the creators. Read the 38 quotes below to find out more about Chief Wiggum.

Chief Wiggum’s quote: “If anything goes wrong, just dial 911. Unless it's an emergency.” | Source: AmoDays

Police Related Quotes

"I keep telling you lady, your father and son have to be missing for a week before we can start searching. I'd like to help sooner, I would, but we're very very busy down here! (plays chess)" — Chief Wiggum

"I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Cops don't have a lot of friends. Civilians are afraid of us, and other cops just remind of us things we want to forget. That's why your friendship is so special to me.' — Chief Wiggum

“If anything goes wrong, just dial 911. Unless it's an emergency.” — Chief Wiggum

"Help! Help us! They stole our uniforms, guns, and tasers!" — Chief Wiggum

"Uh, no, you have the wrong number. This is 9-1...2."— Chief Wiggum

Chief Wiggum’s quote: “Looks like you bought yourself a lottery ticket...to jail!" | Source: AmoDays

"These innocent robots—(shoots one)—couldn't have done this on their own—(shoots another)—someone would have to turn them all on at once—(shoots another)—and then set them on some kind of malevolent sentience." — Chief Wiggum

"(after getting shot) I always thought I'd die of hepatitis!" — Chief Wiggum

"Hold it right there, Switches of Eastwick." — Chief Wiggum

“Looks like you bought yourself a lottery ticket...to jail!" — Chief Wiggum

Chief Wiggum’s quote: "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Cops don't have a lot of friends.” | Source: Amodays

"Um, why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch." — Chief Wiggum

"We got a complaint from an anonymous 'neighborino' about an elaborately choreographed, high octane, ultra-fight." — Chief Wiggum

"Did you flash your lights?" — Chief Wiggum

"This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless." — Chief Wiggum

"The minute you go undercover, it's like you don't even know me!" — Chief Wiggum

Chief Wiggum’s quote: “They still sell those frozen bananas?” | Source: Amodays

'I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo." — Chief Wiggum

“I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Cops don't have a lot of friends.” — Chief Wiggum

“Book 'em, Lou.” — Chief Wiggum

Quotes Related to Food

"Oh my God! Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten." — Chief Wiggum

Chief Wiggum’s quote: "Ah, he's a dumb kid, but he's an above average dog. Roll over, son!" | Source: Amodays

“They still sell those frozen bananas?” — Chief Wiggum

“Oh, don't worry, I'm the pief of cholice. I mean, I'm, uh, the beef with no cheese.” ― Chief Wiggum

"Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty." — Chief Wiggum

"We need pretzels. Repeat, pretzels." — Chief Wiggum

"We won! We won! Unfortunately, since I bet on the other team, we won't be going out for pizza." — Chief Wiggum

Funny Quotes

Chief Wiggum’s quote: "Can I borrow that ostrich?" | Source: Amodays

"Ah, he's a dumb kid, but he's an above average dog. Roll over, son!" — Chief Wiggum

"Bake 'em away, toys!" — Chief Wiggum

"Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!" — Chief Wiggum

"Can I borrow that ostrich?" — Chief Wiggum

Chief Wiggum’s quote: “They are!? Oh no! Ha-have they set a date?” | Source: Amodays

"I bet that looked super cool in slow motion. Too bad we saw it in regular motion." — Chief Wiggum

More Chief Wiggum Quotes

"No, no, dig up, stupid!" — Chief Wiggum

“Well, I'm fresh out of ideas." — Chief Wiggum

“They are!? Oh no! Ha-have they set a date?” — Chief Wiggum

Chief Wiggum’s quote: “Well, I'm fresh out of ideas." | Source: Amodays

“Hey, we know how to play softball!” — Chief Wiggum

"Let's get out of here!" — Chief Wiggum

"Finally, the help we need--a DVD of The Negotiator." — Chief Wiggum

Chief Wiggum’s quote: “Hey, we know how to play softball!” | Source: Amodays

Hank Azaria is the voice actor for this corrupt law enforcement officer. Regarding the main characters, we have Dan Castellaneta, who voiced the one and only Homer Simpson, Julie Kavne on Marge Simpson, Nancy Cartwright on Barn Simpson, and Yeardley Smith, who voiced Lisa Simpson.

Many famous names did voice-overs for the show. This included Gal Gadot, Taraji P. Henson, Martin Short, George Takei, Sofia Vergara, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Bob Odenkirk, and the iconic Meryl Streep.

If you're an adult animation fan, read these 46 'Rick and Morty' quotes and tune into your inner scientist.