48 Krusty the Clown Quotes – One of the Funniest Simpsons Characters

Krusty the Clown is one of the most captivating characters in "The Simpsons." He has appeared on the series in all its episodes and has made audiences laugh at his hysterical lines. Here are 48 Krusty the Clown quotes to get tickled.

Krusty the Clown is a recurring character on the popular animated show "The Simpsons." He has been featured in all the episodes of the series.

Krusty is a 52-year-old Jewish man whose real name is Yerucham Krustofsky, which is a reference to a real-life comedian named Rusty Nails. Throughout the show, he has captured viewers' attention with his funny lines. Here are 48 Krusty the Clown quotes.

Krusty the Clown's quote: "Come back, I'm a clown. I can't afford to look ridiculous" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

Funniest Krusty the Clown Quotes from "The Simpsons"

"Come back, I'm a clown. I can't afford to look ridiculous." — Krusty the Clown

"Homer gave me a kidney, it wasn't his, I didn't need it and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture." — Krusty the Clown

"Look, I give people a meat-like burger and some kind of cola. And they still get their change back from their fifty." — Krusty the Clown

"They took my dressing room, my parking space, even my writer, so I don't have a funny third item." — Krusty the Clown

"The arctic circle, or as I call it, my wife's side of the bed. For the purposes of that joke, I'm married." — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "My house is dirty. Get me clean. Hire Kenny G to play in the elevator" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

"Krustyland has a new ride, the Eyeballs of Death. It only passed the safety by a 3 to 2 vote." — Krusty the Clown

"Krusty: Here's the deal. Every time you watch my show, I will send you... forty dollars!

Voice: Checks will not be honored." — "The Simpsons"

"Yeah, great. Now I need a new sidekick. Get me a lemur, or a marmot. Or Tom Green. He's not doing anything these days." — Krusty the Clown

"Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!

Krusty: Oh my God!!

Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.

Krusty: Was it a nice hat?

Bart: Oh yeah.

Krusty: Oh My God!!" — "The Simpsons"

"My house is dirty. Get me clean. Hire Kenny G to play in the elevator." — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

"Krusty: Bart! I need to use you in a sketch.

Bart: You want me to be on the show?

Krusty: It's just one line. Mel's supposed to say it, but he's dead.

Bart: Dead?!

Krusty: Or sick. I don't know. I forget." — "The Simpsons"

"I used to do a lot of tumbling in my act but I'm phasing it out for more dirty limericks. There once was a man named Enus..." — Krusty the Clown

"I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!" — Krusty the Clown

"You were in The Blue Lagoon, and I'm a blue-haired goon... what the? That's terrible! My hair's not even blue, it's green." — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "You can fly higher than an eagle" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

Krusty the Clown Quotes Full of Stuff We Can Learn from Him

"There are only two rules in TV: don't swear, and don't whip it out. It's not rocket science!" — Krusty the Clown

"A rabbi would never exaggerate." — Krusty the Clown

"Krusty: I've had plenty of guys come after me and I've buried them all. Hobos, sea captains, Joey Bishop

Krusty's Assistant: Don't forget the Special Olympics.

Krusty: Oh, yeah. I buried the Special Olympics!" — "The Simpsons"

"You can fly higher than an eagle." — Krusty the Clown

"Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad who, you know, does things, or says stuff or looks at ya. But the love is there!" — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "Is it a crime to be illiterate?" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

"Don't listen to him, kid. This is a dream factory, the birthplace of magic, an enchantment!" — Krusty the Clown

"A great man once observed, '90 percent of success is showing up on time.' Sorry I'm four hours late." — Krusty the Clown

"A little schmutz, a little schmear, and presto, you're part of the underclown railroad." — Krusty the Clown

"Moe: Oh, we're gonna die, I never tasted cantaloupe!

Krusty: Eh, you didn't miss much. Honeydew is the money melon." — "The Simpsons"

"How can they say I'm past my prime? Me, the voice of Ovaltine." — Krusty the Clown

"(Krusty is being attacked by some sort of giant bird.)

Animal Specialist: She must think you are after her eggs.

Krusty: I only ate one!" — "The Simpsons"

"Is it a crime to be illiterate?" — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "I played handball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

Krusty the Clown Quotes from Iconic Simpsons Moments

"Today I Am a Clown." — Krusty the Clown

"You know, I'd like to thank god for all of my success. Even though I never worshipped or believed in him in any way." — Krusty the Clown

"Bette and I owned a racehorse together: Krudler." — Krusty the Clown

"I've been doing this show for so long that when I started, the Ayatollah only had a goatee....what's the matter, don't you people read the papers?" — Krusty the Clown

"I played hardball with Hollywood, the closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life." — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "Was it a nice hat?" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

"Bette Midler: Great show Krusty! You deserve an Emmy for this!

Krusty: Forget it. The academy hates me...I don't know why...they wouldn't know comedy if it bit them on their (notices the camera) Hey! Hey!" — "The Simpsons"

"Krusty: Finally, I'd like to announce that starting Monday, this show will be broadcast in HD. Here's how I'll look. (very detailed and disgusting Krusty) Heh? That's right! Look at your hero!" — "The Simpsons"

"After 35 years of show business people already forget who you are...just like what's his name...you know, the guy...he always wore the shirt?" — Krusty the Clown

"Larson: Your daughter could be crowned Little Miss Springfield by our host, the Maitre d' of Glee, Krusty the Clown.

Krusty: I heartily endorse this event or product." — "The Simpsons"

"Was it a nice hat?" — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "Bart! I need to use you in a sketch" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

"Aaagh! I almost swallowed some of the juice! (during the filming of the KrustyBurger commercial)" — Krusty the Clown

"Gabbo: (prank calls Krusty the Clown)

Krusty: If this is anyone other than Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit!" — "The Simpsons"

"We've got wallet making, archery, the whole megillah!" — Krusty the Clown

"Bart! I need to use you in a sketch." — Krusty the Clown

"Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...heheheh-hey! Whoa! Wasn't that great, kids?" — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: "Homer gave me a kidney, it wasn't his, I didn't need it and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

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"Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?" — Krusty the Clown

"Do I sound like a beautiful woman?" — Krusty the Clown

"I thought they were due! The game was fixed! The Globetrotters used a ladder for Pete's sake! C'mon! He's just holding out the ball, take it!" — Krusty the Clown

"Why can't I be funny with just my words?" — Krusty the Clown

"Bart: I didn't know you knew Luke Perry.

Krusty: Know him? He's my worthless half-brother.

Lisa: He's a big TV star.

Krusty: Yeah, on Fox. (Sticks out tongue)" — "The Simpsons"

"Krusty: In the meantime, we'll be running..."Klassic Krusty."

Klassic Krusty: Good evening. Tonight our guest is ALF-CIO Chairman, George Meany, who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements." — "The Simpsons"

"Goodnight kids, and don't forget Krusty loves you." — Krusty the Clown

Krusty the Clown's quote: Goodnight kids, and don't forget Krusty loves you" | Source: Facebook.com/TheSimpsons

Krusty the Clown has been a fixture on "The Simpsons" since he was apprehended by Sideshow Bob (Kelsey Grammer) and was later saved by Bart (Nancy Cartwright) and Lisa (Yeardley Smith).

He often uses his iconic catchphrase, "Hey, hey, kids!" when greeting people. He owns a candy bar, among other things, and is monied. The show also stars Hank Azaria.

If you enjoyed reading quotes from this memorable character from "The Simpsons," read more from the show's iconic characters, "30 Ralph Simpsons."