35 Funny Madea Quotes: Unleashing the Wisdom of this Sassy Grandma
It's undeniable that Madea is an iconic TV character we can all relate to. Her wit and sarcasm have captivated audiences for years, making her the show's shining star. Here are 35 funny quotes that prove she's the true comedy queen.
While typical matriarchs we know of may offer us warm tea and delectable cookies, fictional grandmother Mable Simmons, also known as Madea, fearlessly serves truth bombs and laughter capable of breaking through any glass ceiling.
Renowned filmmaker and actor Tyler Perry has successfully breathed life into the unforgettable character of Madea across numerous TV series and films. Madea is quite a formidable, caring figure with an eccentric personality that captivates audiences.
Despite this sassy grandmother's unconventional nature, with her no-nonsense attitude and colorful language, a heart of gold is hidden within her. Scroll down for a dose of laughter through her funny nuggets of humor.
Madea Quotes That Prove She's a Quirky Grandma
"Now I got silver hair, but I got silver bullets, too. Do you want one?" — Madea
"If you don't back the hell up off me, I'ma beat you like the dude you look like!" — Madea
"I'm a trick, she's a treat, now get the hell on." — Madea
"I told you, you don't know how to lie. What kinda lawyer don't know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer… lie-awyer!" — Madea
"That's what I'm trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I beat him down 2 more feet." — Madea
"You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today?" — Madea
"These stretch marks are a road map to heaven, hell if you follow this GPS it's gon' take you somewhere you ain't never been before." — Madea
"Yeah, what do you mean 'brownies for my brownie'? You trying to call me black or somethin'?" — Madea
"Hold up, hold up, let me sign out. Go. To. Hell." — Madea
"Chico: Excuse me! But where is my food!
Madea: I know you can't read. But that sign say 'Do Not Feed The Monkeys.'" — Madea
"I don't like you! Say somethin' else smart to me!" — Madea
"It don't matter what people call you. It only matters what you answer to." — Madea
"My house, my rules, we're gonna talk about it." — Madea
"Madea: Hallelujah! Thank God that church didn't burn down.
Cora: Madea, I'm so glad you're standin' up for the church.
Madea: I don't care about the church, It's just right next door to my favorite liquor store." — Madea
"He can turn liquor into wine. I got to go to the liquor store to get mine. Won't somebody praise Him?" — Madea
"I don't wanna die old. That's what keeps me young, running from the police." — Madea
Madea's Unfiltered Quotes for a Good Laugh
"You're gonna wish that sperm did a backstroke when it met the egg that made you." — Madea
"God don't like you… He grew you in a petri dish!" — Madea
"You look like you came out of a box of chocolate Lucky Charms!" — Madea
"When a lady walk in you say 'hellur!' Hellur?!" — Madea
"Put the shut, to the up. Okay? Shut to the up." — Madea
"He had to make it drizzle 'cause he couldn't make it rain." —— Madea
"If the parents were getting in charge of the children here, we wouldn't be having all these issues." — Madea
"Cook a big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on him. Then after you toss them, swat him with a frying pan." — Madea
"No matter what is going on in your life, you can always count on the Lord… or somebody." — Madea
"In front of all these children? You want me to confess all my sins in front of these men, I can't do that, I'll have them blushing." — Madea
"Babe, you can come here any time you want, day or night, long as you don't stay too long. You're leaving, right after graduation? Right?" — Madea
"You sittin' here looking like 412 pounds... of a clogged artery." — Madea
Madea's Quotes about the Complexity of Love
"Love is stronger than any addiction, baby; hell, it is one." — Madea
"I knew a woman who was married to a man for 38 years, she cheated on him for 42 years, and he died thinking he was the only one." — Madea
"You got to go on with your life. It's all right to sit around and be depressed for a minute, cry about it, do whatever you have to but don't stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life. You know what? This is what I learned in all these years on this earth." — Madea
"Let folks go, Sonny. Some people'll come in your life for a lifetime, and some'll come for a season. You got to know which is which. And you're gonna always mess up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations." — Madea
"Ain't nobody said it was gonna be easy, but it will get easy when you learn how to love yourself. When you get to a point in your life where you look at people and you go 'Okay wait a minute. You or me?', you will make a decision..." — Madea
"You see, some people just gotta learn to be by themselves. People have to learn how to be alone. I don't understand all these people crying about 'I need somebody. Lord, where is my man, Lord where is my woman'. That is crazy as hell! If you don't know how to be by yourself, what you gonna do with somebody else? Stop praying about it! SHUT UP AND WAIT! Go work on YOU! Hell, that's what that time is for, to get YOURSELF together! I'd rather be in a corner by myself with a puppy and a goldfish and be happy than to be sitting around with somebody in my house and wondering what the hell they there for. You will be surprised with the things that people put up with just to have somebody say that they love them." — Madea
"Problem is, people be looking for an oak tree. God will drop an acorn. You gotta pay attention to the acorn, that's number one, okay?" — Madea
Madea has appeared in Tyler Perry's extensive line of TV shows and movies since the late 2000s, including "Diary of the Black Woman," "Madea's Family Reunion," and "Madea Goes to Jail." The newest addition to his on-screen project is the 2022 film "A Madea Homecoming."
For fans, Madea will always hold a special place in their hearts. Despite being a sassy grandma, she constantly reminds fans to embrace their true selves, find humor in life's challenges, and unapologetically love themselves.
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