38 Brian Griffin Quotes From The Master of Wit and Sarcasm

Unlike any fictional dog character, "Family Guy's" Brian Griffin is cultured, witty, and esteemed. As one who possesses human qualities, he enjoys writing, music, and sarcasm.

Rhode Island has been home to the Griffin family since they debuted in the late '90s on "Family Guy." The fictional dysfunctional family has brought laughter to many of its viewers through its bizarre characters, Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin, Chris Griffin, Meg Griffin, and Brian Griffin.

Brian, the Griffin family's dog, was once a stray dog that Peter found and took home. He is a beloved family member and one of the wisest and funniest. Being a fictional character, he can walk on his two hind legs, drive a car, write a novel, and much more.

"Family Guy" has found tremendous success on television, running since 1999. The animated series received several awards and nominations, including nine Primetime Emmy wins.

Peter and Lois Griffin with the dialogue: "Brian: This one's bones feel all loose. ; Stewie: I think this one's blind." | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

Brian Griffin Dialogues with Stewie on 'Family Guy'

"Brian: You've been hanging out with Tom Cruise?

Stewie: Sure have. We spent the whole day together, and he showed me there are a lot of advantages to being short.

Brian: Yeah? Like what? You're the last one to get wet when it rains?" – "Family Guy"

"Stewie: Yes, looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.

"Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.

Stewie: I think this one's blind." – "Family Guy"

"Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?

Brian: Your feet!" – "Family Guy"

"Stewie: Hey Brian, show her your Boost mobile phone.

Brian: Stewie has AIDS." – "Family Guy"

Peter Griffin with the quote: “Brian: Well, I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn. ; Peter: There were three lies in that sentence." | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

"Brian: What's on his arms?

Stewie: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water." – "Family Guy"

Brian Griffin Quotes from Conversations with Peter

"Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?

Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?

Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!" – "Family Guy"

"Brian: Well, I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn.

Peter: There were three lies in that sentence." – "Family Guy"

"Peter: I missed you, Brian.

Brian: I missed you too Peter.

Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.

Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.

Peter: Good boy." – "Family Guy"

Peter and Lois Griffin with the dialogue: “Brian: Bazinga! ; Peter: Haha, like what the guy scientist says. ; Brian, say something else from TV! ; Brian: Watchu talkin' bout Willis?" | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

"Brian: Permission to take fast, tiny bites at my own tail, sir?

Peter: Go ahead." – "Family Guy"

"Brian: Winning!

Peter: Haha, remember somebody said that?" – "Family Guy"

"Brian: Bazinga!

Peter: Haha, like what the guy scientist says. Brian, say something else from TV!

Brian: Watchu talkin' bout Willis?" – "Family Guy"

"Brian: Peter, what are you doing?

Peter: Playing Unga Bunga. It's the championship.

Stewie: Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4." – "Family Guy"

Peter Griffin with Brian Griffin's quote: “You know what, Stewie, if you don't like it, go on the internet and complain." | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

Brian Griffin Quotes

"The good thing is that now he can return to a normal child." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"You know what, Stewie, if you don't like it, go on the internet and complain." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"I would like you to come within me while I am slumbering. " – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

Peter Griffin with Brian Griffin's quote: "I'm not drunk! I just have speech impediment, and a stomach virus, and an inner ear infection." | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

"Hey, how about little less questions and a little more shut the hell up?" – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"Meg, you're so beautiful on the inside… but it's important that you know your limitations." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"I'm not drunk! I just have speech impediment… And a stomach virus… And an inner ear infection." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"Hey, what's the point in waiting? You gotta live life while you can and live it hard." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"You have to do some of the work yourself. That's why there are 50 blank pages." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

Peter Griffin with Brian Griffin's quote: “First, I'm gonna stare at this brown paper bag that I'm pretty sure has food in it." | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

"There we go. You are ready for your date. Yeah, that's a bedhead, yeah. Hey, look at you. You just got out of bed. You're the underachiever every woman wants to sleep with." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?" – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"First, I'm gonna stare at this brown paper bag that I'm pretty sure has food in it." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"If dogs aren't supposed to eat dental floss out of the trash, why did they make it mint flavored?" – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

Peter Griffin with Brian Griffin's quote: “We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List." | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

"I'm not proud of this, but I'm gonna have to lick that up." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't colorblind." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

Peter Griffin with Brian Griffin's quote: “God, he must be the coolest fat guy in a train conductor's cap in the world!" | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

"You're giving your baby drugs to improve his acting career?" – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"God, he must be the coolest fat guy in a train conductor's cap in the world!" – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are written on white paper." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"You know, it's times like this where I think if I didn't talk and you were a normal baby, we wouldn't have any of these problems." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

"You go ahead. I have to make the waffle fries you scream-requested in the car." – Brian Griffin, "Family Guy"

Peter Griffin with Brian Griffin's quote: “I would like you to come within me while I am slumbering." | Source: Facebook.com/FamilyGuy

Despite being on-air for decades, "Family Guy" stays relevant through its many pop culture references that viewers of all generations can understand. The series even has stereotypical millennial characters and current events to appeal to audiences.

"Family Guy" features a wonderful cast, including Seth MacFarlane, Alex Borstein, Seth Green, and Mila Kunis. Kunis is also known for starring in "That '70s Show" alongside her husband, Ashton Kutcher.

Another hit animated series that ran for years is "The Simpsons," an American satire with similar themes. Read 36 quotes from one of the show's hilarious characters, Lionel Hutz.