26 Emily Gilmore Quotes from the Gilmore Matriarch

Emily Gilmore has several fierce and unapologetic lines in "Gilmore Girls" that show she does not mince her words. Her delivery is bold and brutal, sometimes mixed with her unexpected sense of humor.

"Gilmore Girls" is a tale centered around the Gilmore family led by Emily and Richard Gilmore. The couple has a daughter, Lorelai, and granddaughter, Rory Gilmore, two very ambitious women.

Emily is presented as the strict and demanding parent whose treatment of people is closer to rude than polite. The wealthy matriarchy is not shy to speak her mind, giving fans memorable quotes throughout the series.

Emily Gilmore's quote: “Hold on, I'm looking up 'aneurysm' in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one." | Source: Amodays

Emily Gilmore Quotes Showing Her Funny Side

"When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you do not buy her a puppy." — Emily

"Will you at least promise to keep your comedy set at my funeral to under five minutes?" — Emily

"Hold on, I'm looking up 'aneurysm' in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one." — Emily

"Well it's not every day I have my girls here for dinner on a day the banks are open." — Emily

Emily Gilmore's quote: "Well, if you expect that muffin to fly back to the kitchen by itself you better go get it a cape." | Source: Amodays

"Put a post-it on it when you're done." — Emily

"Well, if you expect that muffin to fly back to the kitchen by itself you better go get it a cape." — Emily

Emily Gilmore Quotes with Some of Her Best Responses

"Richard: Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch!

Emily: Well then, buy me a boa and drive me to Reno, because I am open for business!" — Emily

"Emily: Lorelai, hello.

Lorelai: Mom?!

Emily: You remember? I'm so touched." — Emily

"Emily: He was the master of the 'frown, step back, wrinkle, and sigh.'

Lorelai: The what?

Emily: [Acting out each motion] The frown. Step back. Wrinkle. And sigh." — Emily

Emily Gilmore's quote: "I simply don't understand people." | Source: Amodays

"Friend: What do you do to [the maids]?

Emily: The usual. Clean this, cook that, sacrifice a virgin on your way out." — Emily

"Emily: So exactly what is going on between the two of you?

Luke: Nothing, really. We're just friends. That's it.

Emily: You're idiots, the both of you." — Emily

"Lorelai: You're not seriously sitting there?

Emily: No, it's a hologram. Lifelike, isn't it?" — Emily

More Emily Gilmore Quotes

"I simply don't understand people." — Emily

"Small-town charm is good for a weekend, Lorelai, but I have no interest in having a next-door neighbor walk in with a pie, wanting to chat. I would kill myself and my neighbors." — Emily

Emily Gilmore's quote: "I am going to go insane. If you don't help me, I'll take you with me!" | Source: Amodays

"He plunged his barbed harpoon into the whale's back. And then, with the killing irons, they stab the great beast repeatedly in the neck. They cut the tail tendons, immobilizing the whale, to stop us diving and make it bleed to death all the faster. Later in history they invent an explosive lance that combines the stabbing of the lance with an explosive that detonates once inside of the whale, but at this point it's just lots and lots of stabbing. Well, by now, the whale is spouting buckets and buckets of blood, and...I'll give you a moment." — Emily

"Christopher...I think you better go now. LEAVE NOW, please." — Emily

"All right, I'll come straight to the point, Christopher. Now, I've known you a long time. I watched you grow up. You were a charming boy. A weak, but charming boy. And, to be completely honest, I never thought much of you." — Emily

"I am going to go insane. If you don't help me, I'll take you with me!" — Emily

Emily Gilmore's quote: "Nothing I owned brought me joy, so I ran out of clothes." | Source: Amodays

"You can use your mother's old golf clubs. They're upstairs collecting dust along with the rest of her potential." — Emily

"Nothing I owned brought me joy, so I ran out of clothes." — Emily

"Rory, I know you've heard a lot of talk about various disappointments tonight, and I know you've heard a lot of talk about it in the past. But I want to make this very clear: You, young lady, and your existence have never, ever been — not even for a second — included on that list. Do you understand me?" — Emily

"Now let's talk about your money. You were a two-bit gold digger, fresh off the bus from Hicksville when you met Mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into. And what made Mitchum decide to choose you to marry amongst the pack of women he was bedding at the time, I'll never know. But hats off to you for bagging him. He's still a playboy, you know? Well, of course you know. That would explain why your weight goes up and down 30 pounds every other month. But that's your cross to bear. But these are ugly realities. No one needs to talk about them. Those kids are staying together for as long as they like. You won't stop them. Now, enjoy the event." — Emily

Emily Gilmore's quote: "Do you think you'll be single your entire life?" | Source: Amodays

"You never do anything unless it's exactly what you want to do. You never have. You go through life like a natural disaster knocking down everything and everyone in your path." — Emily

"Just let me buy my plane, Lorelai. Let me be frivolous and shallow, will you, please?" — Emily

"They don't bring me joy." — Emily

"Do you think you'll be single your entire life?" — Emily

Emily Gilmore's quote: "Will you at least promise to keep your comedy set at my funeral to under five minutes?" | Source: Amodays

From these quotes, it is understandable why "Gilmore Girls" has been critically acclaimed for its clever dialogue and effective use of humor and drama, enhancing its appeal to audiences from different generations.

Fans of 2000s comedy dramas can also enjoy 35 "Glee" quotes about music, satire, and social commentary. The show featured actors such as Kevin McHale and Chord Overstreet.