67 Coffee Quotes to Cheer You up with Ironic Humor on a Dull or Pressing Day

For coffee lovers, coffee plays a significant role in their lives, so naturally, it is the subject of many quotes, jokes, and other sayings. These coffee quotes will boost your mood on a dull day and help you enjoy your next cup even more.

The origin of coffee goes back to Ethiopia in Africa and Yemen in the Middle East. Even though it had been available for centuries, instant coffee became a hit with soldiers in World War I.

Businessman and inventor George C.L. Washington had successfully mass-produced coffee and sold it to the soldiers. At the end of World War II, the general public fell in love with easy-to-make coffee.

Over three decades after World War II, espresso bars reached the United States, with Howard Schultz of Starbucks making fancy coffee a lifestyle. If you need coffee to start your day, then these 66 quotes make up for the perfect sides to boost your brain.

Sir James Mackintosh's quote: "The powers of a man's mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks." | Image: AmoDays

Coffee Quotes from Habitual Coffee Drinkers

"If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all." ― David Letterman

"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons." ― T.S. Eliot

"Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven't had our coffee, in which case we feel 107." ― Martha Beck

"I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake." ― Lewis Blake

"There's nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee." ― Rian Aditia

T.S. Eliot's quote: "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons." | Image: AmoDays

"I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you." ― Jac Vanek

"Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep." ― Fran Drescher

"Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with." ― Terri Guillemets

"I gave up coffee. It's almost worse than giving up a lover." ― Sandra Bullock

"Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister." ― Bob Irwin

Terri Guillemets' quote: "Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with." | Image: AmoDays

"Like most of the world’s population, I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee." ― Jimmy Carr

"I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless." ― Napoleon Bonaparte

"We busy ladies need our coffee fix in the morning. My day doesn't really start until I've had my Starbucks latte." ― Heidi Klum

"I drink coffee. Without coffee, I probably couldn't write." ― Jonathon Ames

Coffee Quotes about How People Take Their Coffee

"It's just like when you've got some coffee that's too black, which means it's too strong. What do you do? You integrate it with cream, you make it weak. But if you pour too much cream in it, you won't even know you ever had coffee. It used to be hot, it becomes cool. It used to be strong, it becomes weak. It used to wake you up, now it puts you to sleep." ― Malcolm X

Terri Guillemets' quote: "I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee." | Image: AmoDays

"I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee." ― Terri Guillemets

"'I don't really like coffee,' she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either." ― Brian Andreas

"I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon." ― Ronald Reagan

"Coffee first. Schemes later." ― Leanna Renee Hieber

"I'm not one of those people who wakes up and thinks, 'Bring on the day!' I have to have about seven pints of coffee before I'm even remotely awake." ― Stacey London

Leanna Renee Hieber's quote: "Coffee first. Schemes later." | Image: AmoDays

"I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism." ― Abigail Reynolds

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee." ― Abraham Lincoln

"I am a coffee fanatic. Once you go to proper coffee, you can't go back. You cannot go back." ― Hugh Laurie

"My dream is to have a house on the beach, even just a little shack somewhere, so I can wake up, have coffee, look at dolphins, be quiet, and breathe the air." ― Christina Applegate

Meme-Worthy Coffee Quotes

"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?" ― Steven Wright

Alastair Reynolds' quote: "I think I've reduced the amount of blood in my caffeine system to an acceptable level." | Image: AmoDays

"I think I've reduced the amount of blood in my caffeine system to an acceptable level." ― Alastair Reynolds

"The powers of a man's mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks." ― Sir James Mackintosh

"Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self." ― Terry Pratchett

"What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup." ― Henry Rollins

"I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume." ― John Van Druten

John Van Druten's quote: "I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume." | Image: AmoDays

"No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for 'Before Coffee.'" ― Cherise Sinclair

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." ― Paul Erdos

"Drinking a cup of coffee with your eyes closed isn't a sophisticated task for a person, but it's hard for a robot." ― Vijjay Kumar

"I like instant gratification. It's like instant coffee; only it won't keep you up all night." ― Jarod Kintz

"Caffeine and sugar—the two basic food groups." ― Laurell K. Hamilton

Laurell K. Hamilton's quote: "Caffeine and sugar—the two basic food groups." | Image: AmoDays

Coffee Quotes with a Kick

"The first cup is for the guest, the second for enjoyment, the third for the sword." ― Arabic Saying

"Coffee in England is just toasted milk." ― Christopher Fry

"My children know not to shout before Mummy has warmed herself into something human with her coffee." ― Ben Kidron

"When traveling with someone, take a large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee." ― Helen Hayes

"Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline—the first often tasting like the second." ― Edward Abbey

Helen Hayes' quote: "When traveling with someone, take a large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee." | Image: AmoDays

"Three hundred years ago, during the Age of Enlightenment, the coffee house became the center of innovation." ― Peter Diamonde

"Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love." ― Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

"What do you want?" "Just coffee. Black — like my soul." ― Cassandra Clare

"As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?" ― Cassandra Clare

"I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now." ― Louisa May Alcott

Heidi Klum's quote: "We busy ladies need our coffee fix in the morning. My day doesn’t really start until I’ve had my Starbucks latte." | Image: AmoDays

"Never trust anyone who doesn't drink coffee." ― AJ Lee

"Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all." ― David Lynch

"You can't have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together." ― Adam Gopnik

"It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity." ― Dave Barry

"Black as night, sweet as sin." ― Neil Gaiman

AJ Lee's quote: "Never trust anyone who doesn't drink coffee." | Image: AmoDays

"Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better." ― Justina Chen Headley

"Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?" ― Jean Kerr

"A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don't later fray." ― Marcia Carrington

"Coffee connects us in so many ways―to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees." ― Rohan Marley

"I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee." ― Burt Lancaster

Justina Chen Headley's quote: "Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better." | Image: AmoDays

"Come on, don't you ever stop and smell the coffee?" ― Justina Chen Headley

"To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions." ― Hugh Jackman

"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." ― Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"Want coffee?" I asked as I headed that way. "It's three thirty in the morning." "Okay. Want coffee?" ― Darynda Jones

Rohan Marley's quote: "Coffee connects us in so many ways–to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees." | Image: AmoDays

"Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!" ― Terry Pratchett

"Police work wouldn't be possible without coffee," ― Wallander said. "No work would be possible without coffee." They pondered the importance of coffee in silence." ― Henning Mankell

"Television is not real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs." ― Bill Gates

Anne Morrow Lindbergh's quote: "Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." | Image: AmoDays

"Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven." ― Jessi Lane Adams

"Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can't even get the intern to make me coffee!" ― David Letterman

"That's something that annoys the hell out of me—I mean if somebody says the coffee's all ready and it isn't." ― J.D. Salinger

"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." ― Mae West

Jonathon Ames' quote: "I drink coffee. Without coffee, I probably couldn’t write." | Image: AmoDays

While there is nothing wrong with having a cup of coffee alone, remember that having coffee with others will also help boost your spirit as you revive old connections and make new ones.

If you want to enjoy a conversation with a friend you last saw a long time ago, you don't need to overdo it. You, your friend, and a cup of coffee are all you need for a casual or deep discussion!

If you enjoyed these quotes and would love to start your morning on a cheery note, these sunny-side-up quotes are all the positivity you need.