34 Funny Christmas Quotes from 'The Office:' Not Your Typical Holiday Spirit
Since the second season of "The Office," some variation of a Christmas party has been responsible for some of the cringiest and comic moments of the show.
The madness is captured in the debut holiday-themed episode, "Christmas Party," where manager Michael Scott buys an inappropriately expensive gift for Secret Santa and tries to pawn off his handmade oven mitt with a ridiculous game.
Sometimes the main excitement did not come from the event but rather from work beforehand by the Party Planning Committee ruled by the strict accountant Angela Martin.
Michael's intensity tends to be heightened during these episodes, making great comedy from the self-appointed "The World's Best Boss."
Dwight Schrute’s quote: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas. | Source: Youtube/TheOffice
Quotes That Show How the Office Dwellers of Dunder Mifflin's Scranton Branch Are Trying to Enjoy the Holiday through the Chaos
"I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't." — Kevin Malone
Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas. — Dwight Schrute
"Most people don't even know that a candy cane represents a shepherd's crook, which I assure you does not taste like peppermint." — Dwight Schrute
"What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer." — Dwight Schrute
"I would like another alcohol." ― Erin Hannon
Dwight Schrute’s quote: "In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas." | Source: Youtube/TheOffice
Jim Halpert: 'Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately. Love, Swiss Cheese.' Damn it, Dwight!
Dwight Schrute: Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all." — "The Office"
"In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas." — Dwight Schrute
"I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet. But whoever is giving me the Twelve Days of Christmas as my Secret Santa? Please stop... My cat killed a turtledove; the French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest." ― Erin Hannon
Michael Scott Quotes in Which He Inadvertently Comes across as a Grinch
"Michael Scott: You wanna be Santa?
Darryl Philbin: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Have you ever seen Santa?
Darryl Philbin: Yeah, I've seen Santa.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Darryl Philbin: Who cares?
Michael Scott: Well, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, I would like to be the elf.
Michael Scott: That makes sense because he has elfish features." — "The Office"
"I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candy Pams. And perhaps some Pam chops with mint." — Michael Scott
"Christmas is awesome... you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And... getting presents... Not bad for one day." — Michael Scott
"So Phyllis is basically saying, 'Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help out the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." | Source: Youtube/TheOffice
Michael Scott: "A, that's what she said, and B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year."
Kevin Malone: "But what are we gonna do with this hacked-off part?"
Michael Scott: Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin, and we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about." — "The Office"
"So Phyllis is basically saying, 'Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help out the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." — Michael Scott
"Uh oh. Looks like Santa was a little naughty." — Michael Scott
Michael Scott: "Christmas is canceled."
Stanley Hudson: "You can't cancel a holiday."
Michael Scott: "Keep it up, Stanley, and you'll lose New Year's." — Michael Scott
"The name is Bond..Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken, not stirred." — Michael Scott
"Everyone wants the iPod, it is a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle." — Michael Scott
Michael Scott’s quote: Michael Scott’s quote: "St. Patrick's Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas." | Source: Youtube/TheOffice
"Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth." — Michael Scott
"Guess who I am sitting here dressed as. I will give you a hint: His last name is Christ; He has the power of flight and can heal leopards." — Michael Scott
"St. Patrick's Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas." — Michael Scott
"Earlier today, this office needed a Santa. And then it needed a second Santa. And then it needed a Jesus. Now it needs a Michael." — Michael Scott
"Christmas is awesome. First of all, you got to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk, and no one can say anything." — Michael Scott
Pam Beesly’s quote: "At its worst, it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best, it planned parties." | Source: Youtube/TheOffice
"Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame." — Michael Scott
"Christmas isn't about Santa or Jesus. It's about the workplace." — Michael Scott
Funny Quotes by and about the Drama-Fueled Party Planning Committee
"At its worst, it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best, it planned parties." – Pam Beesly
"I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to." - Ryan Howard
"Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it stop with you people?" – Kevin Malone
"I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will, though, and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer." – Angela Martin
Stanley Hudson’s quote: "Just give me plain, baby Jesus lyin' in a manger, CHRISTMAS!" | Source: Youtube/TheOffice
"But it's the season of mercy." – Angela Martin
Jim Halpert: "That's my favorite part of Christmas, the authority."
Pam Beesly: "And the fear." – "The Office"
"Just give me plain, baby Jesus lyin' in a manger, CHRISTMAS!" — Stanley Hudson
"Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me seems excessive." – Ryan Howard
Phyllis Vance: This just arrived from the Dunder Mifflin North Pole branch.
Dwight K. Schrute: We don't have a North Pole branch. Idiot!" – "The Office"
"I've been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, a 'Pulp Fiction' Christmas, a Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas. Mo-rocca Christmas. I don't want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas." – Stanley Hudson
"The Office" quote: Jim Halpert: "That's my favorite part of Christmas, the authority." Pam Beesly: "And the fear." | Source: Youtube/TheOffice
Stanley Hudson was not being hyperbolic about all the wacky office party themes that the cliquey party planning committee created throughout the show's nine seasons.
Though most memorable scenes they shared were combative as part of the party planning committee, Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly) and Angela Kinsey (Angela Martin) are terrific real-life friends and do a podcast together.
They were respectively part of two of the sweetest couples in the show. Read on for 64 "The Office" quotes focussing on love and romance.