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54 Side-Splitting Quotes from "Joe Dirt"

Karabo Baloyi
Jul 20, 2022
05:48 A.M.
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When "Joe Dirt" hit the big screen in 2001, it was not a major box office hit. But it soon gained a loyal cult following which rendered it one of the most memorable slapstick comedies of the 2000s. Here are 58 hilarious "Joe Dirt" quotes for all fans worldwide.

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"Joe Dirt" was a comedy movie its undying fans would defend at every turn. It played into class stereotypes at times but added a lot of heart and relatability to the characters, especially Joe.

Joe's major quest was to find his parents. This quest took him from one adventure to another. Eventually, he made his way to Los Angeles, where a radio host called him to his show to make fun of him. As Joe's story continued to unfold, he won over people's support, rooting for him and even helping him.

The film also carried with it a lot of lines that cracked people up. For a nostalgic laugh, enjoy these 58 side-splitting quotes from the characters in "Joe Dirt."

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Joe Dirt's quote: “Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” | Image: AmoDays

SHORT JOE DIRT QUOTES

“Life’s a garden, dig it.” — Joe Dirt

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“Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” — Joe Dirt

“When bad pets go bad, dang.” — Joe Dirt

“Keep on, keepin’ on” — Joe Dirt

“Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” — Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt's quote: “Life’s a garden, dig it.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “Life’s a garden, dig it.” | Image: AmoDays

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“Things get the darkest before dawn.” — Joe Dirt

“Well, it ain’t a meteor.” — Meteor Bert

“Well, well, lookey here. Corn off the cob.” — Joe Dirt

“Watch the guns, baby, that’s how I get the gals.” — Joe Dirt

“Hey! If you want to impress me, get a mullet hairstyle.” — Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt's quote: “Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” | Image: AmoDays

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“It’s like the cartoons, I’m seein' all tweet tweet.” — Joe Dirt

“His name’s Rocky, and he ain’t no puppy.” — Joe Dirt

“Won’t kill you.” — Joe Dirt Hitchhiking Sign

“Why don’t you practice fallin' down, I’ll be there in a minute.” — Joe Dirt

“Ma’am, you should never drink the bong water.” — Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt's quote: “When bad pets go bad, dang.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “When bad pets go bad, dang.” | Image: AmoDays

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“All aberration radio, all the time.” — Joe Dirt

“Well say it, don’t spray it, brother, Dang!” — Joe Dirt

“It puts the lotion on its skin. Now!” — Buffalo Bob

“Like them spinnin' tires, do ya?” — Joe Dirt

“Well, it ain’t a meteor.” — Meteor Bert

Joe Dirt's quote: “Keep on, keepin’ on” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “Keep on, keepin’ on” | Image: AmoDays

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“Hey! If you want to impress me, get a mullet hairstyle.” — Joe Dirt

MEMORABLE JOE DIRT QUESTIONS

“You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” — Kicking Wing

“Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” — Joe Dirt

“And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying, ‘what’s up, baby?’” — Joe Dirt

“What’s the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?” — Zander Kelly

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Joe Dirt's quote: “Things get the darkest before dawn.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “Things get the darkest before dawn.” | Image: AmoDays

“Might as well ask, why is a tree good? Why’s a sunset good? Why are boobs good?” — Joe Dirt

“If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” — Joe Dirt

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“Look at him, fellas! You cryin’ boy? You cryin’ boy?! Maybe go back down to McDonalds, get you some whaaburgers and some french cries!” — Robby

“So you're gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis? — Joe Dirt

“Oh, come on, man! You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?” — Joe Dirt

 Kicking Wing's quote: “You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” | Image: AmoDays

Kicking Wing's quote: “You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” | Image: AmoDays

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“You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?” — Joe Dirt

JOE DIRT QUOTES THAT ARE ADVICE

“Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown.” — Joe’s Mom

“There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I’m number one. Rule number two, the croc’s number two.” — Joe Dirt

“Life is too short to waste doing nothing. Make every day count because we all don’t know when we will leave this world. Cherish every moment you have with loved ones and never regret anything in life, because everything happens for a reason. Look at every day and smile that God has kept you alive, cause there’s nothing sweeter than life.” — Joe Dirt

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Joe Dirt's quote: “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” | Image: AmoDays

“Well, that might be your problem. It’s not what you like. It’s the consumer.” — Joe Dirt

“You can’t have “no” in your heart. “No” is not an option, brother.” — Joe Dirt

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OTHER MEMORABLE JOE DIRT QUOTES

“You see that moon? You don’t know how many nights I spent alone staring at that moon wondering if, at that exact moment, my mom or my dad was looking at the same moon. And for that brief second, we were together again, kind of, you know?” — Joe Dirt

“And at that moment, I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon.” — Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt's quote: “My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” | Image: AmoDays

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“Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin’ and it was grossin’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up, and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean, I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…” — Joe Dirt

“To tell you the truth, brother, between you and me. The thing with the dog is coming off a little fruity. That’s just me talking.” — Joe Dirt

“But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car, I mean. So what do you say?” — Joe Dirt

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“They’re large and in charge, and they’re lookin' for chickies.” — Joe Dirt

 Joe Dirt's quote: “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” | Image: AmoDays

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“Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where’s the good stuff man?” — Joe Dirt

“You guys got somethin’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it in the microphone? I got a backup mike right here. Check one-two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin’, and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up?” — Joe Dirt

“If you’re driving a Mopar, you probably look like him.” — Joe Dirt

“No… because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.” — Kicking Wing

Joe Dirt's quote: “Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” | Image: AmoDays

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“You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuh-reak! You’re going to hell, man!” — Joe Dirt

“My name is Joe Dirt. I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” — Joe Dirt

“If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” — Joe Dirt

“Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you.” — Joe Dirt

“Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” — Joe Dirt

Joe’s Mom's quote: “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe’s Mom's quote: “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown.” | Image: AmoDays

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“You’re talking to me all wrong… It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom. Get her to sew that!” —Clem

“I’m a rocker through and through. Here’s a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Leppard.” — Joe Dirt

“Well, I didn’t know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it’s not my fault. And she’s one of the hottest girls on the planet.” — Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt's quote: “There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I’m number one. Rule number two, the croc’s number two.” | Image: AmoDays

Joe Dirt's quote: “There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I’m number one. Rule number two, the croc’s number two.” | Image: AmoDays

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Despite the slapstick comedy, Joe taught audiences a few valuable lessons. He never lost sight of his dreams. He went on more adventures than many of us will ever be on because he was willing to keep trying.

His resilience was admirable and should inspire us to keep going for our dreams, regardless of how difficult life is. We can all adopt these traits, no matter how different our lives are from Joe Dirt.

If you enjoyed these funny "Joe Dirt" quotes, you'd love this compilation from the legendary "Austin Powers" trilogy.

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