55 'MASH' Quotes for Fans to Relive the Laughter and Wit

"MASH," the beloved American television series, captured the hearts of millions with its humor, wit, and poignant moments. From Hawkeye's sarcastic quips to Colonel Potter's wise words of wisdom, the show's characters delivered countless memorable lines. Fans of the show can relive some of the best moments with these 55 "MASH" quotes.

"MASH" was an American television series from 1972 to 1983. It was based on a novel and a film of the same name and followed the lives of doctors and support staff stationed at the fictional 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital during the Korean War.

The series featured a talented cast, including Alan Alda as Captain Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Loretta Swit as Major Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan, Jamie Farr as Corporal Maxwell Klinger, and many more. These stars brought life to the beloved characters that audiences came to know and love.

The series is still considered one of the most incredible television shows ever and has a loyal fan base. Here are 55 of the best "MASH" quotes that will have fans reliving the laughter and wit that made the show so iconic.

Hawkeye Pierce's quote: "It's inhuman to serve the same food day after day. The Geneva Convention prohibits the killing of our taste buds." | Source: Getty Images

'MASH' Quotes about Love, Life, and Relationships

"Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce." — Major Franklin Marion Burns

"Trapper: You have a lot of trouble with women, don't you? / Hawkeye: Every chance that I can!" — "M*A*S*H"

"I'm not sleeping, I'm inspecting the inside of my eyelids." — Hawkeye Pierce

"I just don't know why they're shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back." — Hawkeye Pierce

Major Franklin Marion Burns' quote: "Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce." | Source: Getty Images

"Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head." — Major Franklin Marion Burns

"Frank: Klinger, I want to see you out of that dress...tonight! / Klinger: Never on a first date, sir!" — "M*A*S*H"

"The way I see it, unless we each conform, unless we obey orders, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free." — Major Franklin Marion Burns

"Courage is just something you can't be afraid to have." — Major Franklin Marion Burns

Major Franklin Marion Burns' quote: "Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head." | Source: Getty Images

"I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage no matter how ugly or disgusting it gets. I'd kill her before I'd divorce her!" — Major Franklin Marion Burns

"If I had all the answers, I'd run for God." — Maxwell Klinger

"I am the essence of overconfidence. I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome, yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution, the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle fuzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life, I am appetite!" — Hawkeye Pierce

"War isn't hell. War is war, and hell is hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse." — Hawkeye Pierce

Maxwell Klinger's quote: "If I had all the answers, I'd run for God." | Source: Getty Images

"Sometimes when a man's anxious to stick out a glad hand, it's because he's got something up his sleeve." — Sherman T. Potter

'MASH' Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

"Oh, don't be silly. We're expecting some real sharp surgeons." — Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake

"Sir, I must protest the rash of mindless pranks being perpetrated around here." — Father John Mulcahy

"This isn't one of my sermons; I expect you to listen." — Father John Mulcahy

"I'll not only say it, but I'll back it with twenty bucks, how's that?" — Duke Forrest

Sherman T. Potter's quote: "Sometimes when a man's anxious to stick out a glad hand, it's because he's got something up his sleeve." | Source: Getty Images

"I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf." — Trapper John

"Look, mother, I want to go to work in one hour. We are the Pros from Dover, and we figure to crack this kid's chest and get out to golf course before it gets dark." — Trapper John

"Henry Blake: I've been in the Army a long time. I know what you fellas are trying to pull, but you're not going to push me around. / Hawkeye Pierce: Henry, not for the world would I push you around. But look there is one more thing: we need a chest cutter." — "M*A*S*H"

"Klinger, how'd you like the last rites...and a few lefts!" — Father John Mulcahy

Trapper John's quote: "I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf." | Source: Getty Images

"Remember what the good book says: Love thy neighbor, or I'll punch your lights out!" — Father John Mulcahy

"Well, you know, Man o' War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had an average of about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals a year." — Trapper John

'MASH' Quotes Related to Food

"I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions." — Hawkeye Pierce

"Hawkeye Pierce: I see you are a beer drinker, sir. Would you care for a martini? / Trapper John: A martini? Yeah, I'd love a martini. / Hawkeye Pierce: [to Ho-Jon] Ho-Jon, get the gentleman a martini." — "M*A*S*H"

"Bull cookies!" — Sherman T. Potter

Father John Mulcahy's quote: "Remember what the good book says: Love thy neighbor, or I'll punch your lights out!" | Source: Getty Images

"Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happy Hour." — Hawkeye Pierce

"Potter: I gather you drink. / Hawkeye: Only to excess." — "M*A*S*H"

"Klinger: What's this morning's breakfast? / Trapper: Last night's dinner. / Klinger: Great, that was yesterday's lunch." — "M*A*S*H"

"They got a hell of a nerve coming in here, eating our food." — Colonel Blake

Hawkeye Pierce's quote: "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happy Hour." | Source: Getty Images

"How do you want your steak cooked?" — Nurse in Japan

"I don't think I could eat after that ride you just gave me." — Duke Forrest

"I don't mind eating if it's possible to make a martini sandwich." — Hawkeye Pierce

"Mule muffins!" — Sherman T. Potter

Duke Forrest's quote: "I don't think I could eat after that ride you just gave me." | Source: Getty Images

"I told you the food here should not be taken internally." — Hawkeye Pierce

"Crock of beans!" — Sherman T. Potter

"Monkey muffins!" — Sherman T. Potter

"Buffalo bagels!" — Sherman T. Potter

Hawkeye Pierce's quote: "I told you the food here should not be taken internally." | Source: Getty Images

"Klinger: How can you eat this slop? / Radar: My mouth is tone deaf." — "M*A*S*H"

"Hot sausage!" — Sherman T. Potter

"Beaver biscuits!" — Sherman T. Potter

"Cow cookies!" — Sherman T. Potter

"M*A*S*H"'s quote: "Klinger: What's this morning's breakfast? / Trapper: Last night's dinner. / Klinger: Great, that was yesterday's lunch." | Source: Getty Images

"Attention, all personnel. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we regret to announce that lunch is now being served." — PA announcer

"Buffalo chips!" — Sherman T. Potter

"If you'd studied at all, Radar, you'd know that the Greeks invented the Edible complex. That's where a boy likes his mother's cooking better than eating out." — Hawkeye Pierce

"Attention all personnel. Please contact Colonel Blake if anyone knows the whereabouts of tonight's entrée. In the meantime, be on the lookout for a white Caucasian lamb. He is reported to be unarmed and considered to be delicious. That is all." — PA announcer

"It's inhuman to serve the same food day after day. The Geneva Convention prohibits the killing of our taste buds." — Hawkeye Pierce

PA announcer's quote: "Attention, all personnel. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we regret to announce that lunch is now being served." | Source: Getty Images

Today, some of the cast members have passed away, including Harry Morgan and William Christopher, who played Father Mulcahy. Others have retired from acting, such as Loretta Swit and Mike Farrell, who played Captain B.J. Hunnicutt. Alan Alda remains active in the entertainment industry as an actor and director.

Jamie Farr has also made occasional appearances on television shows and in movies. The legacy of "MASH" and its cast continues to be celebrated by fans worldwide. If you want to relive another funny series, these "Letterkenny" quotes will take you down memory lane.