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An image of Ralph Kramden from "The Honeymooners" with the quote, "I'm an expert in one of their categories: Aggravation!" | Source: Getty Images
32 Ralph Kramden Quotes — Outmoded Jokes from 'The Honeymooners'
"The Honeymooners" became a popular classic sitcom during the late 1950s, mainly due to the character of Ralph Kramden, who delivered provocative lines that captivated viewers. If you're interested, here are 32 Ralph Kramden quotes that you can explore.
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Ralph Kramden was one of the main characters of "The Honeymooners" sitcom. However, The New York Times published an opinion piece in 1987 that criticized Ralph's catchphrases as an example of an insensitive and uneducated attitude toward domestic violence.
In the show, Ralph's behavior suggests that domestic violence is acceptable and common. Even though there are no clear signs of physical aggression, Ralph sometimes makes threatening gestures, like clenching his fist, and promises to send his wife to the moon.
Other characters in the show often make fun of the main character's physical appearance and weight, which is no longer considered socially acceptable humor today. For those interested, here are outdated quotes from Ralph Kramden that you can learn about.
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "We spend $200, we make $2000 and the profit is 1800. We can't lose." | Source: AmoDays
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Ralph Kramden Quotes Filled with Old-Fashioned Humor
"I've got a… [opens mouth wide] BIG MOUTH!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Pins and needles, needles and pins. It's a happy man that grins." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"You're a riot, Alice. You're a regular riot..." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"You just decided for me, Alice. You just decided for me! I'm going on 'The $64,000 Question'. And do you know why? 'Cause I'm an expert in one of their categories: Aggravation!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"What I SAY about Norton is one thing; how I FEEL about him is something else!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "How did I know they were building a drive-in theater?" | Source: AmoDays
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"Baby, You're the greatest." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"You know something, sweetheart? Christmas is...well, it's about the best time of the whole year. When you walk down the streets, even for weeks before Christmas comes, and there's lights hanging up, green ones and red ones, sometimes there's snow and everyone's hustling some place. But they don't hustle around Christmastime like they usually do. You know, they're a little more friendlier... they bump into you, they laugh and they say, 'Pardon me. Merry Christmas'... especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home, you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringin', kids are singing, the snow is coming down. And boy what a pleasure it is to think that you've got some place to go to. And that the place that you're going to, there's somebody in it that you really love. Someone, you're nuts about. Merry Christmas." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "Alice just said I was icky." | So
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"A mere bag of shells." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
“[speaking to a recorder an apology to Alice] Hello, Alice. This is me, Ralph. Alice, I'm sorry. I'm miserable without ya. Please come back to me, Alice. I apologize for everything I've said. I even apologize to your mother. I know she doesn't mean the things she says, Alice, it's just her nature. She doesn't mean to be mean, she's just born that way. When she says things about your old boyfriends and about the furniture in the apartment, I know that she doesn't mean to get me mad. She's just naturally mean, that's all. When she spilled the beans about the end of the play, I shouldn't have gotten mad at that, I should've expected it from her. I know how she is. She's never gonna be any different, Alice! She's gonna be the 'same old way', Alice! She's a BLABBERMOUTH, Alice! A BLAAABBERMOOOUUUTH!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Recapture my youth? If I keep this up, I'll lose my old age!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "There isn't room in this place for you and me!" | Source: AmoDays
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"Your mambo days are over! You want to wiggle? Wiggle over to the stove, and get my supper!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Dear Mom, I just thought I'd write and tell you this. A mother-in-law is the most criticized, the most misunderstood, and the most defenseless of all women. The average woman must be clever enough to know when to speak, but a mother-in-law must know when to keep silent. She must be very wise; wise enough sometimes to withhold advice, although she knows the answer to the problem. A mother-in-law must sit on the fence between her own child and the child by marriage, and somehow she must keep a balance. She must lean backward until her spine aches, or else she is accused of being partial, and she isn't permitted the luxury of hurt feelings or tears. If a person could put themselves in their mother-in-law's place, weigh her in the balance, and be completely fair, they'd nominate her for the Presidency of the United States, and she'd be the first woman to make it." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
“[to Alice's mother; shouting] You are a blabbermouth! A blabbermouth! You! Blabbermouth! Out!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "Har har, hardee har har!" | Source: AmoDays
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"Now I know why people play golf! It's not 'cause they like this game! It's just to get away from their wives! That's why they play!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Hamana-hamana-hamana-hamana." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Acting young ain't what keeps you young, but if you have some memories, some good memories of when you were young, that's what keeps you young." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"I brive a dus... I dus a brive" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Har har, hardee har har!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
Ralph Kramden Quotes from Dialogues with Alice
"Ralph: What's the matter? Aren't you up on current events? Don't you read the papers? Don't you read comic books? That's the trouble with you; you don't know the latest developments.
Alice: I don't know the latest developments? Who is it that lets your pants out every other day?" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Ralph Kramden: Two thousand dollars, Alice! That's big, big, big! This is probably the biggest thing I ever got into.
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Alice Kramden: The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "If any of the raccoons ever get sick, it'll be my responsibility to go and visit them." | Source: AmoDays
"Ralph: If any of the raccoons ever get sick, it'll be my responsibility to go and visit them.
Alice: Oh, that is a very important responsibility, Ralph. You better start now and find out what the visiting hours are at Bellevue.
Ralph: That did it, Alice - that did it. You have just broken the camel's back with that straw. You have ridiculed my brother Racoons. You have just made fun of something very big that's close to my heart.
Alice: The only thing big that's close to your heart is your stomach." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
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A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "Now I know why people play golf! It's not 'cause they like this game! It's just to get away from their wives! That's why they play!" | Source: AmoDays
"Ralph Kramden: Nobody's one hundred percent, Alice.
Alice Kramden: You are. You've been wrong every time!" — Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners
"Ralph: What do you know about fishing? When have you ever caught anything?
Alice: Fifteen years ago. I caught 300 pounds of blubber." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
Ralph Kramden Quotes from Dialogues With Ed Norton and Mrs. Gibson
"Ralph Kramden: There isn't room in this place for you and me!
Mrs. Gibson: There isn't room in this place for you and anybody!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
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A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "You are a blabbermouth! A blabbermouth! You! Blabbermouth! Out!" | Source: AmoDays
"Ralph Kramden: [Alice's mother has been engaging in her typical insult-based banter with Ralph] Oh, you're startin' right in, huh? Startin' right in with the insults! No warmin' up in the bullpen or nothin', huh? Startin' right in! I remember when you used to come over, you used to start slow with a couple of 'Hello, Stupids' and stuff like that! Now I don't even get that, anymore, huh? Well, let me tell you somethin', and get this into your head! This is my home, and when you come in here, treat me with respect, and address me with a civil tongue!
Mrs. Gibson: Oh, why don't you shut up?" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Ralph: From here on in, we are deadly enemies. I don't want to see ya, I don't want to talk to ya, I don't want to have anything to do with ya. If you see me coming down the street, get on the other side!
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Ed Norton: When you come down the street, there AIN'T no other side!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" Ralph Kramden: "Your mambo days are over! You want to wiggle? Wiggle over to the stove, and get my supper!" | Source: AmoDays
"Ed Norton: Hey, Ralph, what's the normal temperature, around 98, ain't it?
Ralph Kramden: 98.6.
Ed Norton: What would you say a bad temperature is?
Ralph Kramden: Hundred and two, 103. What is it, Norton? What is my temperature?
[Norton becomes shocked as he examines the thermometer; Ralph gets impatient]
Ralph Kramden: WHAT'S MY TEMPERATURE, NORTON?
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Ed Norton: [crying out] A HUNDRED AND ELEVEN!
Ralph Kramden: A hundred and eleven?
Ed Norton: Why'd it have to be you? Prime of life!" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "Hamana-hamana-hamana-hamana." | Source: AmoDays
"Ralph Kramden: Norton, let's face it, I'm a man with big ideas, and sooner or later, one of those ideas is going to catch on. And when they do, I'm going to be a big shot. And do you know what happens to people who become big shots?
Ed Norton: Yeah, they forget their relatives." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Ed Norton: [reading from a book about golf] 'The golf swing: First, step up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball.'
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Ralph: Wait a minute. What do they mean by 'address the ball'?
Ed Norton: How should I know? That's what it says here.
Ralph: Well, read a little further. Maybe it explains it." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "A mere bag of shells." | Source: AmoDays
"Ralph: [to Norton] Hey, what does 'icky' mean?
Ed Norton: I don't know, why?
Ralph: Alice just said I was icky.
Ed Norton: Must mean 'fat.'" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
"Ralph Kramden: Name one thing that could possibly be worse than my mother-in-law coming.
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Ed Norton: My mother-in-law coming! Boy, compared to her coming, the invasion of locusts was a boon to mankind!
Ralph Kramden: Don't start, Norton. Don't try to compare your mother-in-law with my mother-in-law, 'cause you got a loss. It's no match." — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "You're a riot, Alice. You're a regular riot..." | Source: AmoDays
"Ralph Kramden: We spend $200, we make $2000 and the profit is 1800. We can't lose.
Ed Norton: Can't lose, huh? That's what you said when you bought the parking lot next to where they were building up the movie house there. You said, 'People going to the movies got to have a place to park their car.'
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Ralph Kramden: How did I know they were building a drive-in theater?" — Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners"
A quote from "The Honeymooners" star Ralph Kramden: "Pins and needles, needles and pins. It's a happy man that grins." | Source: AmoDays
"The Honeymooners" was a pioneering comedy starring comedian Jackie Gleason as the loud and energetic bus driver Ralph and actress Audrey Meadows as his wife, Alice.
The show was filmed live with minimal rehearsal to keep the dialogue and reactions fresh. Its "Classic 39" episodes aired on CBS from October 1955 to September 1956 and featured Ralph and Alice's humorous adventures. Despite only lasting for one season, the sitcom is still cherished by many.
Meanwhile, for another dose of quirkiness and oddness, here are some quotes from Morticia Addams, an iconic character famously played by actress Catherine Zeta-Jones and once voiced by Charlize Theron.
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