43 Screech Quotes from Dustin Diamond in 'Saved by the Bell'

Whether you're a '90s kid or were born in the 2000s, Screech from "Saved by the Bell" is arguably one of everybody's favorite high school characters. Although they are 30 years old, here are 43 Screech quotes from "Saved by the Bell" that are still hilarious today.

Three decades later, "Saved by the Bell" still holds its title as one of the most popular sitcoms, and back in its day, the show set the tone for future shows that followed the lives of high school students.

Although the sitcom only ran for four seasons—from 1989 to 1993—it gave us Mario Lopez, Elizabeth Berkley, and Dustin Diamond, who played Samuel "Screech" Powers, a geeky yet loveable character. So, whether you are a die-hard fan of the sitcom, or this is your first time hearing about it, sit back, relax, and enjoy these Screech quotes from "Saved by the Bell."

Screech with his quote, "Third place, wow! I once finished fifth in an ALF look-a-like contest." | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

Screech Quotes "Saved by the Bell" ― the Most Ridiculous Situations

"Wow, my first Hollywood party. I wonder if the Simpsons are gonna be there."– Screech

"Mr. Belding: Screech, you can't elope.

Screech: Who are you calling a cantaloupe, you melon head?" ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Zack: Did you wash your face today?

Screech: Why would I do that during the week?" ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Lisa: Why don't you go as the Invisible Man?

Screech: I would, but I don't know what he looks like."― "Saved by the Bell"

"Third place, wow! I once finished fifth in an ALF look-a-like contest." ― Screech

Screech with his quote, "Men are such fools! I hope I never become one!" | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

"Slater: Did they really say that (call him a 'chauvinistic, musclebound meathead')?

Screech: Hey, would I have the guts to make it up?"

[Screech is walking scrunched down near the floor] ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Zack: I'm sorry you were stuck in the file cabinet for so long.

Screech: That's okay, just paint me blue and call me a Smurf." ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Slater: Screech, what are you doing?

Screech: Cruising for chicks.

Slater: In the boys' locker room?" ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Screech: Zack, quick, you've got to help me. My worst nightmare has come true!

Zack: You found out ALF was a puppet?

Screech: He is?!" ― "Saved by the Bell"

Screech with his quote, "Hey, Zack, Slater isn't that great. You could do that too if you had muscles." | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

"Slater: You are a strange and weird person.

Screech: Well, thank you for noticing!" ― "Saved by the Bell"

[the gang rewrites the words to Screech's corny school song before they decide to sing]

"Screech: You hooligans. You demolished my song.

Lisa: No, we didn't, Screech. It still says "Bayside."

Slater: Yeah, and we even left the words you put in: "it," "and," "the," "Bayside."

Screech: Oh... well, in that case, it's ok then." ―"Saved by the Bell"

Screech Quotes "Saved by the Bell" ― the Most Useful Lessons

"Lisa: Screech, stop and smell the roses.

Screech: Oh, I smelled the roses once, and a bee flew up my nose!" ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Screech: No, actually, you've helped me. You've made me realize that there are a million fish in the sea, and I'm just a worm to attract them." ― Screech

"Screech: Zack, I got an A.

Zack: Hey, Screech, how'd you do that?

Screech: Well, I was seeing so many pictures, I just stayed up all night and went over everything.

Zack: Ohh, you cheated! You studied!" ― "Saved by the Bell"

Screech with his quote, "(To Needik) Your mom's ugly, your dad's ugly, and your dog's ugly!" | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

"When morning comes, I raise my head, shut off the alarm, and get out of bed, I brush my teeth like Mother said, and I always feed my spider, Ted." ― "Saved by the Bell"

"(To Needik: Your mom's ugly, your dad's ugly, and your dog's ugly." ― Screech

"Kelly: Who are you?

Screech: Oh, I'm, uh, I'm- Sinead O'Connor.

Kelly: That's a very famous name. You have a hit song in the charts, you know...?

Screech: Oh, uh, that's the other O'Connor. She's my niece. She learned from me.

Lisa: You taught her everything she knows?

Screech: Oh, that I did. Now she can clean toilets with the best of 'em." ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Jessie: Eh, I hate coffee. Suzy, can I have another cup, please?

Zack: So why are you drinking it?

Screech: What else is she gonna do with the coffee Zack?

Zack: Use your head as a donut and dunk you in it.

Screech: No way, my head would never fit in the cup." ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Oh no, Zack! Last time you had an idea, I wound up naked in a jar full of jellybeans!" ― Screech

"Screech: [sees a picture of the Beatles] Hey, who are the three guys with Paul McCartney?

Zack: That's the Beatles, you idi*t!

Screech: Paul wouldn't have made it if he were stuck with those wimps." ― "Saved by the Bell"

Screech with his quote, "(To Slater) Don't talk about his dog!" | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

Screech Quotes "Saved by the Bell" ― Hilarious Fails

"I'm leaving, too! I'll send for my ant farm." ― Screech

"Kelly: Dumb.

Slater: Stupid.

Lisa: Crazy.

Jessie: Dangerous.

Screech: Stinks…" ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Screech: You homewrecker, stay away from my mommy!

Slater: She's not your mommy!

Screech: Is that true, Daddy?

Zack: I'm not your daddy!

Screech: I'm an orphan." ― "Saved by the Bell"

"Mr. Belding: Screech, your mother called and told me about lightning hitting you. Now, I just want to make sure you're doing alright. Tell me―

Screech: 8: 30 last night.

Mr. Belding: ...when exactly were you struck by lightning? 8: 30?

Screech: Yeah.

Mr. Belding: Are there any -

Screech: One.

Mr. Belding: ...side effects? Did you say one?

Screech: Yeah, but it's a secret. I'm not supposed to tell anyone that I can see the future.

Mr. Belding: See the future? Screech, that's -

Screech: Preposterous?

Mr. Belding: Right." ―"Saved by the Bell"

Screech with his quote, "Screech: Forget going to the prom! We're through! Lisa: "Wait a minute. You're not supposed to dump me. I'm supposed to dump YOU!" | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

"Screech: Will you go to the prom with me?

Lisa: Yeah, I'll go.

Screech: YOU WILL??

Lisa: I'll go with you when worms have ears!

Screech: You're weakening."

"Slater: Hey, Screech. Want me to get you anything? A Coke, some fries...a hot dog?

Screech: (crying) Dog? (puts head on table)

Zack: So what if they had him since he was a puppy?

Screech: (squeaks) Puppy?

Jessie: All right, one date. But Nerdstrom better keep his paws off me.

Screech: (wails) Paws!" ―"Saved by the Bell"

"Mr. Belding: Now, where was I?

Screech: You were about to say no one has the power to see the future.

Mr. Belding: Right, Screech, no one has the power to see the future!

Screech: Oops, I'll pick them up!

Mr. Belding: Pick what up? (knocks over pencil holder) Uh... Screech, I'm just curious. My mother-in-law is staying with us indefinitely. By any chance, can you tell me―

Screech: She'll be gone by Tuesday.

Mr. Belding: ALRIGHT!" ―"Saved by the Bell"

"Mr. Belding: It's a little early for the tiger suit, isn't it?

Screech: Uh...there were mice in the building, Mr. Belding!" ―"Saved by the Bell"

"Mr. Belding: Do you boys take these girls to be your school wives?

Zack: Oh, you bet!

Slater: I guess.

Screech: WHA-HOO!

Mr. Belding: That's what Mrs. Belding said when we got married. Girls?

Kelly: I do.

Jesse: I do.

Lisa: I don't."

Lisa: Only if it involves you drowning." ―"Saved by the Bell"

Screech with his quote, "Do I look that desperate for a date? (looks into mirror, then back at Zack) What time do I pick her up?" | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

"Slater: What's happening here, Screech? Nobody wants me around anymore.

Screech: Can you blame them, Brillo head?" ―"Saved by the Bell"

"Mr. Crane: Everyone, tell me your names...

Screech: I'm Screech.

Slater: I'm Slater.

Kelly: (dreamily) I'm yours.

Zack: I'm bummed!"

"Kelly: Okay, so when do we start?

Screech: Well, tonight, but it has to be at my place. I'm not allowed out after ALF." ―"Saved by the Bell"

"(To the doll he was dancing with after being turned down by Lisa) It's all your fault, I told you to let me should lead!" ― Screech

"Mrs. Powers: Zachary?

Zack: (jumps up) Yes, Mrs. Powers? (crosses arms)

Mrs. Powers: There's something wrong with the statue.

Screech: There is?

Mrs. Powers: Yes. (turns statue to the kitchen) Elvis likes to face the kitchen so he can watch me cook!" ―"Saved by the Bell"

"Screech: Hey, ya know what, Slater? With this microscope, your nose hairs look like the Amazon Rain Forest.

Slater: If you don't get that thing out of my face, I'm gonna have the Natives come out and eat you." ―"Saved by the Bell"

Screech with his quote, "Screech: Hey, ya know what, Slater? With this microscope, your nose hairs look like the Amazon Rain Forest. Slater: If you don't get that thing out of my face, I'm gonna have the Natives come out and eat you." | Source: youtube.com/SavedbytheBell

Aside from offering some seriously hilarious quotes, "Saved by the Bell" also dived into important topics such as drug use and women's rights. The show left its mark on pop culture and lived on in reruns, garnering waves and waves of new fans.

Although Screech portrayed the archetype of a high school nerd, he proved to be a layered character, lacing life lessons with humor. If you're a fan of sitcoms, check out these 46 quotes from Dee Reynolds from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," co-starring Charlie Day and Kaitlin Olson.