40 Andy Bernard Quotes: ‘The Office’s’ Arrogant Yet Endearing Theatre Geek

Did you know that Andy Bernard attended Cornell University? Because if not, he will let you know soon enough. Read 40 quotes from this obnoxious coworker who brought music into the office with his love for music and acting.

Up there with the notorious Michael Scott, Andy Bernard, at least when he joins "The Office" in season three, is a decidedly arrogant and annoying character with a temper to go... although comedic nonetheless.

After taking one of the office clowns, Jim Halpert's prank, too seriously, he punches a hole in the wall and gets himself fired. Read his 40 quotes below.

Andy Bernard, with his quote: "Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding."│Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

Andy Bernard Quotes about Romance, Women and Dating

“I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.” ― Andy Bernard

“You can’t let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. Oh, I like your dress, but I’d like it more if you had prettier hair.'” — Andy Bernard

“Put your heart out there like that, it’s liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage, and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that!” — Andy Bernard

“How do I find out if a girl is interested? Great question. I usually just assume that they’re not.” — Andy Bernard

"Erin and I have our first date tonight. And it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to 'How I Met Your Mother', that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about and you'd better have a good story to tell them." — Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard, with his quote: “I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.”│ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding." — Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard Arrogant & Annoying Quotes

"I went to Cornell. You ever heard of it?" — Andy Bernard

“Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.” ― Andy Bernard

“I’m the Nard-Dog. The Nard-Man is my father.” ― Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard, with his quote: "I went to Cornell. You ever heard of it?"│ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

“I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.” ― Andy Bernard

“I’ll be the number two guy here in Scranton in six weeks.” ― Andy Bernard

“I went to your funeral, and guess what? Nobody came." ― Andy Bernard

“You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.” ― Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard Music Theater Quotes

Andy Bernard, with his quote: “Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes.”│ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

“Toby! Hey, I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all.” ― Andy Bernard

“When you’re in a rock and roll band with somebody, you’re bonded for life.” ― Andy Bernard

"I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup." — Andy Bernard

"I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the acapella group 'Here Comes Treble.'" — Andy Bernard

“Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes." — Andy Bernard

Funny Andy Bernard Quotes

Andy Bernard, with his quote: “Speaking as a former baby, don't get too hung up on baby names." │ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

“If I had to put Dwight’s chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance.” ― Andy Bernard

“I’m not Rumpelstiltskin, Jim. I can’t keep spinning gold out of your [expletive]!” ― Andy Bernard

“Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you just have to eat them rinds and all.” ― Andy Bernard

“He may have won the battle, but I will win the next battle.” ― Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard, with his quote: “There are two things I am passionate about: recycling and revenge.”│ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

“What if Dwight dies, and I still owe him something? That is a recipe for a ghost.” ― Andy Bernard

"I get super flexible when I'm nervous." ― Andy Bernard

“There are two things I am passionate about: recycling and revenge.” ― Andy Bernard

"If you donated my computer to Africa, it would become famous as the slowest computer in Africa." ― Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard, with his quote: “What if Dwight dies, and I still owe him something? That is a recipe for a ghost.”│ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

“Speaking as a former baby, don't get too hung up on baby names." ― Andy Bernard

More Andy Bernard Quotes

“Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me, and I will destroy you.” ― Andy Bernard

“The fire is shooting at us!” ― Andy Bernard

“You give me a gift? Bam! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere? Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor? Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.” ― Andy Bernard

"The weird thing is now I'm exactly where I want to be. I've got my dream job at Cornell, and I'm still just thinking about my old pals." ― Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard, with his quote: “I went to your funeral, and guess what? Nobody came." │ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately...or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck, because this is the only job I've ever been good at." ― Andy Bernard

"The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel." ― Andy Bernard

“Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When’s the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?” ― Andy Bernard

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” ― Andy Bernard

Andy Bernard, with his quote: “I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.” │ Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

Bernard eventually finds his way back to "The Office" after attending training to manage his anger. Although still imperfect, this new Bernard grows onto the audience's heart.

We follow him and his romantic ventures and his evident love for music and acting. Eventually, Bernard, played by Ed Helms, leaves his office job to try his hand at a career in acting.

Helms is joined by other actors, such as Jenna Fischer, John Krasinski, Rainn Wilson, Ellie Kemper, Mindy Kaling, and of course, the icon himself, Steve Carrell.

If there was a character more inappropriate and unethical than Bernard's, it would definitely be Carrell's character Michael Scott.

One of the best examples of Scott's ignorant attitude is when he donned the personality "Prison Milke" to teach everyone in the office about the dangers of prison. Find out more by reading 47 quotes from this episode.