49 Zapp Brannigan Quotes from Futurama’s Most Selfish and Arrogant Hero

Zapp Brannigan from the popular animated series "Futurama" is a character whose clueless and inept traits juxtapose his egotistical and pretentious disposition. In this article, there are 49 Zapp Brannigan quotes that represent his fundamental characteristics.

"Futurama's" Zapp Brannigan is the starship Nimbus's captain and a composite of the Democratic Order of Planets (D.O.O.P). Still, his hasty decisions and ludicrous strategies lead to the endangerment of his crew and other characters. Despite this, he still oozes an abundant amount of self-assuredness, charisma, and vanity.

In addition to the aforementioned, Brannigan, who is also known for his humorous lines, also claims to have been diagnosed with a learning disorder, which he professes obstructs his ability to learn anything of an intimate nature. Although he may be rude, selfish, ignorant, arrogant, and intellectually incompetent, Brannigan is extremely loyal and dedicated as a soldier.

Though not without flaws that threaten to question his heroism at times, Brannigan's highly persuasive ways enable his effectiveness as a leader and have a big hand in motivating his troops. Below are 49 Zapp Brannigan quotes that show his arrogant and comical ways.

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "Kif, I'm feeling the 'Captain's itch.'" | Source: YouTube/adultswim

Zapp Brannigan's Most Arrogant Quotes

"I am the man with no name. Zapp Brannigan, at your service." — Zapp Brannigan

"Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love; hard and fast!" — Zapp Brannigan

"I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about!" — Zapp Brannigan

"You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread." — Zapp Brannigan

"We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy, bam!" — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "Well, I have studied abroad or two!" | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"Don't ask me; you're the one who's going to be dying." — Zapp Brannigan

"We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question." — Zapp Brannigan

"Kif, I'm feeling the 'Captain's itch.' " — Zapp Brannigan

"Welcome to my humble chamber, or as I call it, 'the Lovenasium.' " — Zapp Brannigan

"I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner and the first half of a movie." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised." | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"Well, I have studied abroad or two!" — Zapp Brannigan

"Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused." — Zapp Brannigan

"My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish." — Zapp Brannigan

"You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's Hilarious Quotes

"Ah, yes. Comets, the icebergs of the sky." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces." | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"The alien mother-ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bulls-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate." — Zapp Brannigan

"We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised." — Zapp Brannigan

"I surrender and volunteer for treason." — Zapp Brannigan

"Leela! So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman." — Zapp Brannigan

"Well, well. We meet again, Leela, only this time, I'm the one judging the sausage." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting!" | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"You win again, gravity." — Zapp Brannigan

"When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide mission." — Zapp Brannigan

"Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idi*t could have devised it." — Zapp Brannigan

"You! Aren't you getting this? We have detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner ravioli, ham, sundae bar." — Zapp Brannigan

"In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "She's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro!" | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: rock crushes scissors, but paper covers rock and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock." — Zapp Brannigan

"One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion-dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's Famous Quotes from 'Futurama'

"Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting!" — Zapp Brannigan

"Then what did we just blow up!?" — Zapp Brannigan

"Leela, it's real velour. Just let yourself go." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "Now that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes!" | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as 'the brig.' " — Zapp Brannigan

"Killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them." — Zapp Brannigan

"Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on, show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit." — Zapp Brannigan

"She's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro!" — Zapp Brannigan

"You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing." — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "We can avoid humanity's mistakes!" | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"Zapp Brannigan: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. I guess all that remains now is for the captain to go down with the ship.

Kif: That's surprisingly noble of you, sir.

Zapp Brannigan: No, it's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain." — "Futurama"

"So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors. How very neutral of you." — Zapp Brannigan

"That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing." — Zapp Brannigan

"I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy." — Zapp Brannigan

"Now that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes!" — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "Stop exploding, you cowards." | Source: YouTube/adultswim

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"That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a course with some chest hair." — Zapp Brannigan

"We know nothing about them, their language, their history, or what they look like. But we can assume this. They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks." — Zapp Brannigan

"I want to slap your sister with a slice of bologna." — Zapp Brannigan

"And which one rocked your world?" — Zapp Brannigan

"We can avoid humanity's mistakes!" — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "The key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!" | Source: YouTube/adultswim

"Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men." — Zapp Brannigan

"I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me." — Zapp Brannigan

"Stop exploding, you cowards." — Zapp Brannigan

"The key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!" — Zapp Brannigan

Zapp Brannigan's quote: "That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a course with some chest hair." | Source: YouTube/adultswim

Looking through these Zapp Brannigan quotes from the series; one can see that at the forefront, Brannigan is a downright pompous and selfish character who makes inappropriate comments and abuses his high-ranking power to get his team to enact ludicrous strategies. However, this, coupled with Branningan's knack for cracking wise jokes, may be his best attempt at covering up his lack of intellect and competence, which makes him somewhat of a multifaceted character.

Read "79 Fry Futurama Quotes — Hilarious Interpretations of the Future" for more iconic phrases from another character who is also known for not being the sharpest tool in the shed.