Drake and Josh' Funny Quotes from the Good Old Days Series

Half-siblings must learn to co-exist under the same roof while navigating through high school. With contrasting personalities, this leads to some comedic one-liners with great timing. Here are 30 Drake and Josh funny quotes that make the characters memorable.

"Drake & Josh" is an American teen sitcom that follows two teenagers, Drake and Josh, who are stepbrothers. The pair live together while attending high school.

Drake and Josh have opposite personalities, and it is through their different characteristics that they balance each other out comically. Here are 30 Drake and Josh hilarious quotes that show how amusing they are as half-siblings.

Drake's quote "Good Luck with Kathy. Remember, she's just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without...just do good." | Source: facebook.com/Drake & Josh

Drake and Josh's Most Funny Quotes from the Series

"Josh: I don't know Drake, all this cheating makes me feel... dirty.

Drake: Well, take a bath when you get home." — "Drake & Josh"

"You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly." — Drake

"Josh: I deserve this. This is all because I forgot to feed my pet turtle, Sheldon in kindergarten. He went to heaven, and now my life is bad.

Josh: You happy, Sheldon? We're even now!

Mr. Nichols: [offscreen] Josh?

Josh: Sheldon?" — "Drake & Josh"

"Drake: Do you want to be honest, or do you want a girlfriend?

Josh: Girlfriend, please." — "Drake & Josh"

"Josh: Drake, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test!

Drake: [playing a driving video game] I am!

Josh: Drake, I highly doubt that our driving test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons.

Drake: Do you know that for sure?" — "Drake & Josh"

Josh's quote, "If dressing up as a lady helps me help others, then dress like a lady I shall!" | Source: facebook.com/Drake & Josh

"Josh Nichols: Mom and Dad are gonna kill us!

Drake Parker: No, they won't... they are gonna kill you." — "Drake & Josh"

"Walter: Think fast! [throws basketball at Drake and accidentally hits lamp]

Drake: Lamps don't think that fast." — "Drake & Josh"

"Good Luck with Kathy. Remember, she's just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without... just do good." — "Drake & Josh"

"I know when a girl likes me! I've imagined it a thousand times!" — Josh

"Josh: Do you sell guitars?

Guitar World Salesman: [sarcastically] Here? At Guitar World? Gee, I don't know." — "Drake & Josh"

Josh's quote, "It's like girls and I speak different languages. They speak English, I speak Idi*t." | Source: facebook.com/Drake & Josh

Drake and Josh's Famous Quotes

"Drake: I make my money the old-fashioned way.

Josh: How?

Drake: Selling your stuff on eBay.

Josh: Yeah, right. [finds that his stereo is missing]

Josh: Uh, Drake, where's my stereo system?

Drake: Wisconsin." — "Drake & Josh"

"Drake: Look who's gonna be at this after-party, Ashton Kutcher, Adam Sandler, Ethan LaRoche...

Josh: Who's Ethan LaRoche?

Drake: I don't know, but he's gonna be there!

[later]

Josh: Hey, Drake! I just got an autograph from Ethan LaRoche!

Drake: Who's that?

Josh: I don't know!" — "Drake & Josh"

"If dressing up as a lady helps me help others, then dress like a lady I shall!" — Josh

"Scottie: I'm telling you, the tickets aren't fake!

Drake: Are you sure?

Scottie: Yeah, I mean I photocopied them myself!

Rina: Scottie, you can't photocopy tickets!

Scottie: Yes, you can. You just put the tickets on the glass and close the lid thingy. Any moron can do it!

Drake: No, Scottie, not just any moron. It takes a special moron, like you!" — "Drake & Josh"

"It's like girls and I speak different languages. They speak Engish, I speak Idi*t." — Josh

Megan Parker's quote, "You know what Josh? I have dreams. And sometimes in those dreams, things happen to you." | Source: facebook.com/Drake & Josh

"Drake: I'm telling you, we didn't steal the grills.

FBI Agent: It was reported that two Caucasian males stole the grills from a factory truck.

Drake: See! We're not Caucasian…” — "Drake & Josh"

"Josh: Do you want to get grounded and end up moppin' floors like me?

Drake: [mockingly] Would I get to wear that purdy apron?" — "Drake & Josh"

“[Megan has put a bucket full of water over Drake and Josh's bedroom door, and it falls on Ashley Blake]

Josh: Megan! Why was there a bucket on top of our door?

Megan: Why was your door under my bucket?" — "Drake & Josh"

"Drake: Oh, just face it, Josh: you're addicted to video games.

Josh: I am not addicted to them! [grinning] I am in love with them!" — "Drake & Josh"

"You know what Josh? I have dreams. And sometimes in those dreams, things happen to you." — "Drake & Josh"

Megan Parker's quote, "Ugh, are they done sucking face yet?" | Source: facebook.com/Drake & Josh

More Hilarious Quotes from Memorable Moments

"Josh: [walking away from Susan] I think we handled that very maturely.

Drake Parker: That felt good.

[Susan opens her locker and gets blasted with purple paint]

Drake: [sees Susan covered in paint; turns to Josh] That felt better.

Josh: Yeah, it did!" — "Drake & Josh"

"[referring to her parents] Ugh, are they done sucking face yet?" — Megan

"Mr. Nichols: [needing a last-minute birthday gift for Audrey] Uh, get her some toothpaste. She's always using toothpaste!

Josh Nichols: Dad, there's two hundred dollars here.

Mr. Nichols: Well, get her some mouthwash, too! I'M JUST A MAN!" — "Drake & Josh"

"Josh: I wonder where Drake is with our pizza.

Drake: I cannot believe I ate an entire pizza!" — "Drake & Josh"

"Josh: I'd just like to say, BUSTED!!

Susan: Drake, did you hear what he just said to me?!

Drake: Uh, yeah, I think he just said, BUSTED!" — "Drake & Josh"

Drake's quote, "You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly." | Source: facebook.com/Drake & Josh

Drake: Uh... Catcher in the Rye.

Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong." — "Drake & Josh"

"Josh Nichols: [Drake is playing music at a loud volume] I'm trying to study!

Drake Parker: Why?

Josh Nichols: To learn things!" — "Drake & Josh"

"Drake: You're kind of a girl, right?

Mindy: Well, if I'm not, then I've been buying the wrong underwear!" — "Drake & Josh"

"Drake, be a dear and take my stuff upstairs. And while you're at it, unpack my stuff. And make sure you put my thongs in order by color!" — Grammy

"Josh: Drake?

Drake: Yeah?

Josh: You just met her and you're already kissing?

Drake: I gave her a soda." — "Drake & Josh"

Josh's quote, "I know when a girl likes me! I've imagined it a thousand times!" | Source: facebook.com/Drake & Josh

Drake is a cool, famous musician, while Josh is an awkward nerd. Though the two experience funny and challenging encounters, they also have to deal with their troublesome little sister, Megan.

Like her older siblings, Megan tends to deliver iconic, hilarious lines by threatening them. But both Drake (played by Drake Bell) and Josh (played by Josh Peck) work together to escape their younger siblings' shenanigans.

"Drake & Josh" is a Nickelodeon television series that aired from January 2004 until September 2007. The show also stars Miranda Cosgrove, Jonathan Goldstein, Vanessa Hudgens, and Nancy Sullivan.

If you enjoyed watching this classic series, read more about similar genre shows from the same network in "50 ‘Rugrats’ Quotes from Our Favorite Nickelodeon Brawlers."