37 Best Kevin Malone Quotes That Capture Life's Quirks

If you're looking for a good laugh on a dull day, there's no better source of comedy than "The Office." And if you had to pick a character who never fails to deliver the goods, it has to be Kevin Malone. Here are 37 of Kevin's best quotes that will have you in stitches.

With his passion for food and ability to survive awkward situations, Kevin Malone never fails to leave us laughing. Despite his self-proclaimed genius status, he exudes a lovably dim-witted charm that endears him to all.

Surprisingly, he manages to be openly inappropriate while remaining harmless and sweet. Strangely enough, nobody seems to mind much; that's how Kevin is, and we can't help but find it amusing.

Despite his comical nature, this playful jester never fails to provide fans with timeless quotes that will make you say "same!" Here are some of his most relatable quotes.

Kevin Malone's quote: "I just want to sit on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

Kevin Malone's Quotes That Reflect His Main Character Energy

"Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick. When me president they see. They see." — Kevin Malone

"You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes." — Kevin Malone

"Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times." — Kevin Malone

"I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "I got myself a secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"I have very little patience for stupidity." — Kevin Malone

"I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's got to take off his cape." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's Most Hilarious Food Quotes

"Whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it." — Kevin Malone

"I just want to sit on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"Put back everything in the vending machine, except the fruit." — Kevin Malone

"The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot." — Kevin Malone

"Oh, nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!" — Kevin Malone

"I don't wanna put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal I'll take an apple-cinnamon and a maple-brown sugar in one bowl, with whole milk." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "This is a documentary? Ohhhh. I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"I cooked my way through Julia Child's cookbook. And now I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook." — Kevin Malone

"I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket." — Kevin Malone

"At least once a year I like to bring in some of my Kevin's favorite chili." — Kevin Malone

"I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. But it will also have Angela." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "I have very little patience for stupidity." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

Quirky Quotes of Kevin Malone That Reflect His Personality

"I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break." — Kevin Malone

"What would you say to you and me hittin' the town? 'Cause I'm free, literally forever." — Kevin Malone

"He's a sweet kid Daryl, but he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer." — Kevin Malone

"I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's got to take off his cape." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"I love banter, but I hate witty banter." — Kevin Malone

"They're making fun of Cookie Monster, I get that; but in a weird way, it's like they're making fun of me." — Kevin Malone

"I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog." — Kevin Malone

"Hey Deangelo, what do you think about bald people? I hate them." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "At least once a year I like to bring in some of my Kevin's favorite chili." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"I kinda know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man." — Kevin Malone

"I got myself a secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't." — Kevin Malone

"Nope it's not Ashton Kutcher, it's Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart." — Kevin Malone

"This is a documentary? Ohhhh. I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

"You know who's really funny? This bird in the park that can’t fly right. I'd pay to see him but I don't have to, 'cause the park is free." — Kevin Malone

"Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air? Or was it me?" — Kevin Malone

"You're too character-y to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor." — Kevin Malone

Kevin Malone's quote: "I love banter, but I hate witty banter." | Source: youtube.com/TheOffice

While "The Office" fans have favorites like Steve Carell's hilarious portrayal of Michael Scott or the endearing chemistry between John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer as Jim and Pam, Kevin seems to have stolen the spotlight and captured the hearts of viewers.

Actor Brian Baumgartner's portrayal of Kevin created a special bond with the audience, resulting in the character receiving more screen time and being recognized as the heart of the show.

Like Kevin, Crowley, a character from the hit series "Supernatural," is equally charming. Besides his unique personality and thought-provoking insights into life's complexities, his fans can't get enough of his eccentric quotes.