56 'Happy Endings' Quotes of Friendship and Misadventure from the Popular Sitcom
If you're in the mood for a good laugh and enjoy an ensemble cast of characters sure to remind you of someone you know, then read these 56 quotes from "Happy Endings" that will leave you chuckling.
"Happy Endings" is a must-watch sitcom with a stellar cast of likable characters everyone is sure to relate to: the happily married couple, comprising of businessman and overachiever Brad and his neurotic perfectionist wife, Jane.
Then there is ditzy Alex, a happy-go-lucky store owner, and Jane's younger sister. There's the daydreamer, the aspiring restaurateur and food truck owner, the annoying likable manchild Max, and more. Read these 56 quotes to get a better sense of this bunch and their sense of humor.
Alex Kerkovich's quote, "Everyone needs two naps per day." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
'Happy Endings' Famous Quotes from Alex Kerkovich
"Everyone needs two naps per day."— Alex Kerkovich
"Why are you so obsessed with finding a flaw in him?"— Alex Kerkovich
"Recycle? What is this, Portland?"— Alex Kerkovich
"Woo! I'm so excited. An intervention? It's like having a surprise party for someone that's going to hate you."— Alex Kerkovich
"Honestly, on a scale of fur to scales, I prefer scales." — Alex Kerkovich
"It's better to be memorable than boring."— Alex Kerkovich
Alex Kerkovich's quote, "He got a case of the broken hearts." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
"Pearl Harbor, cause we want this wedding to be da bomb! Like that Michael Bay movie Armageddon." — Alex Kerkovich
"I love being on my own."— Alex Kerkovich
" When you say it out loud like that, it just really sinks in, like when I found out Gossip Girl was a guy." Alex Kerkovich
"I'm not as dumb as I am."— Alex Kerkovich
"Ghosts are real. Just like warlocks and doulas."— Alex Kerkovich
"He got a case of the broken hearts."— Alex Kerkovich
Penny Hartz's quote, "I'm gonna die alone in a light-up Christmas sweater talking to a menagerie of parrots." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
'Happy Endings' Iconic Quotes from Penny Hartz
"No, I'd rather be surprised by a disappointment than happy with what I expected. It's why I never ask if a pool is heated."— Penny Hartz
"I love my mom. We're like the 'Gilmore Girls,' but we came first, so we're better." — Penny Hartz
"OK, as someone who's dated enough gay guys to earn the nickname 'will she ever learn?' I cannot allow you to keep wasting this girl's time." — Penny Hartz
"I'm gonna die alone in a light-up Christmas sweater talking to a menagerie of parrots." — Penny Hartz
"Well, as the author of several dozen cries for help, I know a good one when I hear one." — Penny Hartz
"Alex: OK, let's do this. What's my gay category?
Derrick: OK, you're a twink, but I've seen you eat, so you're a sloppy twink, which is not as much fun as it sounds. Penny… you are really loud, and you have a lot of embarrassing stories about dating... You are a hag.
Penny: But I used to be a beard, so I take that as a win." — "Happy Endings"
Penny Hartz's quote, "Nothing good comes from lying." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
"Nothing good comes from lying." — Penny Hartz
"I'm an independent woman and everything, but no matter how hard you sing along to Liz Phair or how many women's surf camps you go to, when the chips are down, you're goin' fake fiancé." — Penny Hartz
"Avi: My cleanse is pretty next level. I'm only eating clean foods… That's right, y'all—Avi's celibate.
Penny: Are you sure that's a choice, Avi?
Avi: Good dig. But jealousy is not a sweat pant that fits you well." — "Happy Endings"
"All that matters is me and you." — Penny Hartz
"I finally decide I'm into Hitler, and it turns out I'm too much of a Nazi for him." — Penny Hartz
"Yuk, yuk, yuk it up, because my body is a temple…" — Penny Hartz
"Hey, hey, hey. Give me that knife… and like me more." — Penny Hartz
Jane Williams' quote, "I am in your head, and I got a three-bedroom condo in there with a marble island and a pizza oven and a… fridge!" | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
'Happy Endings' Iconic Quotes from Jane Williams, Max Blum, and Others
"I am in your head, and I got a three-bedroom condo in there with a marble island and a pizza oven and a… fridge!" — Jane Williams
"The third one looked like a female Scott Bakula, which just stressed me out because I am way behind on my Men of a Certain Age, and you know how mama likes a clean DVR." — Jane Williams
"You always change to fit a guy." — Jane Williams
"'Animals for Change' helps to protect endangered species except for pandas. They have plenty of money. They are like the breast cancer of animal charities." — Jane Williams
"Hey, forgetti and meatballs, Jason Bourne called, and he says he remembers more stuff than you." — Jane Williams
Max Blum's quote "Ya, TV really is nature's babysitter." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
"Max, you look like John McEnroe's fat cousin, John Mac n Cheese." — Jane Williams
"Brad: I don't know what's gonna happen next.
Jane: None of us do. I mean, that's kind of the beauty of it." — Happy Endings
"Every group needs a Dave!" — Jane Williams
"You wanted me to be happy? I almost was, and then you ruined it. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home, hard-boil an egg, and eat it on the toilet. L'Chaim."— Max Blum
"Ya, TV really is nature's babysitter." — Max Blum
Max Blum's quote, "I like tough girls, real tough... men." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
"You don't need a gay husband... 'cause you're my gay husband."— Max Blum
"I like tough girls, real tough... men." — Max Blum
"What a graceful swan of a lady." — Max Blum
"How can you tell a man not to follow his dream?" — Max Blum
"Well, you lose some you lose some, right?" — Max Blum
"You know what I was thinking about? If Mary Tyler Moore married and then divorced Steven Tyler, then married and divorced Michael Moore, then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore? Hm." — Max Blum
Max Blum's quote, "I'm sorry, I like to call celebrities by the name they prefer: Bobby De Niro, Sandy Bullock, Eddie Jimmy Olmos." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
"It's my fault; I know, I'm sorry. It's just I got all paranoid that you guys would move on and start doing rich stuff, and I'd never see you guys again because you'd be going to Eyes Wide Shut parties or hunting people for sport with Tommy Hilfiger or whatever rich people supposedly do." — Max Blum
"Are you part of the conspiracy? Are you all doing this because you think I'm chubby? My doctor says l retain water like a pregnant woman in a humid climate, which is a real condition." — Max Blum
"I'm sorry, I like to call celebrities by the name they prefer: Bobby De Niro, Sandy Bullock, Eddie Jimmy Olmos." — Max Blum
"Tourists ruin everything. This place. The Vatican." — Max Blum
"Max: [acting as a tour guide with his limo] Welcome to Chicago! Now here's a fun fact. Chicago was originally nicknamed the Window City, but another city had that nickname first, so thanks a lot, Omaha!
Tourist: Really? That doesn't sound right." — Max Blum
Brad Williams's quote, "It's not about where you are. It's who you're with." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
"Max: You should watch the gay history channel.
Dave: That's a thing?
Derrick: Yeah, it's called Bravo." — "Happy Endings"
"I love when Mare Bear lets herself laugh, you know?" — Brad Williams
"It's not about where you are. It's who you're with." — Brad Williams
"You're in serious chick-sand." — Brad Williams
"You're like the ghost of Tilda Swinton." — Brad Williams
Dave Rose's quote, "You're right, the juice is worth the squeeze." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
"Nobody solves things through tennis matches anymore, bro; it's not the '80s." — Brad Williams
"Dave: Have you ever felt like the Big Mac wasn't big enough? Or the foot long wasn't feet long enough? Well, have no fear, ladies and gentlemen, and feast your eyes upon steaktanic! Two pounds of meat.
Dave: One liter of garlic aeoli.
Dave: A half a block of smoked Gouda. Three layers of lettuce ... iceberg, dead ahead." — "Happy Ending"
"You're right, the juice is worth the squeeze." — Dave Rose
"You're the Michael Jordan of destroying friendships." — Dave Rose
"Avi: Please, don't touch me! I'll explode like a water bottle on a cross-country flight to Albuquerque.
Max: Where's that flight from?
Avi: JFK." — "Happy Endings"
Dave Rose's quote, "You're the Michael Jordan of destroying friendships." | Source: Facebook/HappyEndings
Although "Happy Endings" was dubbed ABC's attempt to recreate the timeless magic of "Friends," the sitcom garnered a sizable following of die-hard fans who appreciated the series for its offbeat jokes, charming cast, and feel-good vibe.
The show aired in 2011 and ran for a few seasons, starring Eliza Coupe, Damon Wayans Jr., Elisha Cuthbert, and more. However, while new episodes of "Happy Ending" aren't being made, you can still experience the series' allure. For more laughs, read 23 Nandor the Relentless Quotes — A Soft Vampire from Comedy Horror Series.