39 Elaine Benes Quotes from 'Seinfeld’s No-Nonsense New-Yorker

Elaine Benes from "Seinfeild's" personality shines through the screen. She has become a memorable character for her hilarious lines and outspoken nature; read these 39 quotes to learn more.

Elaine Benes, a central character on the hit series "Seinfeld," lives in Manhattan with George Costanza, Kramer, and lover turned friend Jerry Seinfeld. Beyond her personal life, throughout the film, she worked various jobs, such as editing copywriting, and also became president of the J. Peterman Catalog.

Benes is intelligent, has a short fuse, and doesn't take any nonsense. Get to know this exciting personality even deeper by reading the following 39 quotes.

Elaine Benes quote: “Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.” | Source: Amodays

Funny Quotes

"Is it possible that I'm not as attractive as I think I am?" — Elaine Benes

"You don't think that someone having a baby warrants an exclamation point." — Elaine Benes

“Do you realize the people back here are getting cookies!?” — Elaine Benes

“Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.” — Elaine Benes

"No, I don't want to go to a mini-plex multi-theater! It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in POW's to show them propaganda films." — Elaine Benes

Elaine Benes quote: “Do you realize the people back here are getting cookies!?” | Source: Amodays

“Maybe the dingo ate your baby!” — Elaine Benes

“I’ll go, if I don’t have to talk.” — Elaine Benes

“Well that’s the positive thing about getting sick, you get to lose weight.” — Elaine Benes

“Look, I don’t have grace, I don’t want grace, I don’t even say grace!” — Elaine Benes

Elaine Benes quote: “Well that’s the positive thing about getting sick, you get to lose weight.” | Source: Amodays

“I’m speechless. I’m without speech.” — Elaine Benes

Outspoken and Sarcastic Quotes

“What am I, hard of smelling?” — Elaine Benes

“So, you think you’re spongeworthy?” — Elaine Benes

“You’re bald! I don’t like this thing! And here’s what I’m doing with it!” — Elaine Benes

"The turbo quadramatic transmission offers you the power and prestige to propel you well into the twenty-first century." — Elaine Benes

Elaine Benes quote: “What am I, hard of smelling?” | Source: Amodays

“I had to take a sick day. I’m so sick of these people!” — Elaine Benes

“We just tease someone 'til they develop an eating disorder.” — Elaine Benes

“Why couldn’t I take a cab? For six dollars my whole life could’ve changed!” — Elaine Benes

“You want a Christmas card? Okay, here’s your Christmas card.” — Elaine Benes

Elaine Benes quote: “I had to take a sick day. I’m so sick of these people!” | Source: Amodays

"You'd think they'd mention that before they send you over there: 'Oh, by the way, this woman almost has a second head.' But no, no, I didn't get any goiter information." — Elaine Benes

“Yeah, make a little more noise with your gum; that's helpful.” — Elaine Benes

“I can’t do this anymore, it’s too long! Just tell your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! Die!” — Elaine Benes

“Can’t you at least look like a successful Communist?” — Elaine Benes

Quotes about Men, Love and Everything in Between

Elaine Benes quote: "Men can sit through the most boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off." | Source: Amodays

“Not only didn’t you love her, you didn’t even like her.” — Elaine Benes

"This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, the one thing you gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's over. I mean, something happens to their personality. It's really quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime, and they want to flee the scene before the police get there." — Elaine Benes

“The male body is utilitarian—it’s for getting around. It’s like a Jeep.It’s hideous!” — Elaine Benes

"Elaine: When you're with a guy, and he tells you he has to get up early, what does that mean?

Jerry: It means he's lying." — "Seinfeld"

"He thinks that if a woman sees a guy put on a better show, she'll walk out on his show and go see the other show." — Elaine Benes

"That's the bra I gave her, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She's a menace to society.” — Elaine Benes

Elaine Benes’ quote: “Not only didn’t you love her, you didn’t even like her.” | Source: Amodays

More Elaine Bene’s Quotes

“We don't walk that fast.” — Elaine Benes

“We just want to take this, and add that.” — Elaine Benes

“My nipple's exposed. I sent this card to hundreds of people!” — Elaine Benes

Elaine Benes’ quote: “Why are my shoes a topic of conversation?” | Source: Amodays

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“You’re going to wear this … all the time?” — Elaine Benes

"Elaine: Come on. Don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?

Jerry: Yes they do!" — "Seinfeild"

Elaine Benes’ quote: “My nipple's exposed. I sent this card to hundreds of people!” | Source: Amodays

“Why are my shoes a topic of conversation?” — Elaine Benes

"You know, uh... They're fake." — Elaine Benes

“She just bought me some new panties and they’re all ‘laid out for me.'” — Elaine Benes

Elaine Benes’ quote: “Can’t you at least look like a successful Communist?” | Source: Amodays

The formidable Julia Louis-Dreyfus played Benes alongside co-star Jerry Seinfeld. Since then, she has acted in many projects. However, her most recently acclaimed role is Selina Meyer in "Veep."

Find out more about this iconic role by reading: 43 Best Quotes from 'Veep' Dripping with Satire and Dark Humor.