27 Joe Swanson Quotes to Enjoy Irresistible Humor from Family Guy

"Family Guy" fans are well acquainted with one of the main characters, Joe Swanson, who is voiced by actor Patrick Warburton. In the following article, we reminisce about this great character by sharing some of his most memorable quotes from the show.

What makes Joe Swanson unique is that he's a brave paraplegic police officer. He befriended Peter Griffin, whose wife is Lois, and their children are Meg, Chris, and Stewie, and a few other men in his new neighborhood, and the drinking buddies, including Glenn Quagmire and Cleveland Brown, get into lots of shenanigans.

Despite being differently abled, Swanson - who is married to his wife Bonnie, and they have one son, Kevin, and a daughter - is the macho one in his friend group, but he's also kind and has a strong will. Some people might even describe him as shallow, but he's really an honest man who is unwilling to compromise on his beliefs.

An example of Swanson's bravery is how he never gave up his career and continuously fought criminals despite his injuries. Since "Family Guy" is somewhat of a dark cartoon comedy, viewers have been privy to Bonnie's husband's funniest antics. Below, we've rounded up 27 Joe Swanson quotes that will either have you laughing or nostalgic!

Joe Swanson from "Family Guy" with his quote: “You don’t have to win to have fun.” | Source: YouTube.com/TBS

Joe Swanson’s Iconic Quotes from “Family Guy”

“Doc, I can’t take it anymore. I wanna walk again. I’ll do whatever it takes!” - Joe Swanson

"Tim Gunn: Joe, this is Tim Gunn. I agree with your friends.

Joe Swanson: I gotta get that guy out of my head." - "Family Guy"

“You don’t have to win to have fun.” - Joe Swanson

“Is it a douche? Is Lady Gaga a douche? Well, whatever it is, I don’t like it.” - Joe Swanson

“Be careful around the really fat one. He’s kind of like my boss.” - Joe Swanson

Joe Swanson from "Family Guy" with his quote: “Pretend I’m your child, Lois. Not Meg! Not Meg!” | Source: YouTube.com/TBS

"Joe Swanson: Well, you can’t fight City Hall.

Peter Griffin: Well, we’ll see about that. City Hall knows karate.” - "Family Guy"

“I just suggested a line of handicapable toys. You know, to show the kids the fun of being physically challenged.” - Joe Swanson

"Pretend I’m your child, Lois. Not Meg! Not Meg!” - Joe Swanson

"Well, my HMO only pays for the equipment once a year, why?" - Joe Swanson

“Hey, can you tell me what Lady Gaga is? Is that a band or a soda, or a store, or one of those terms like donkey punch?” - Joe Swanson

Joe Swanson from "Family Guy" with his quote: “We haven’t made love ever!” | Source: YouTube.com/TBS

“One day, a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.” - Joe Swanson

“Face it, Peter. Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to pass the torch. I remember the first time Kevin beat me. I was so proud of him. I gave him a little congratulatory punch in the arm. And then another. And then everything got a little hazy. He had to live with a foster family for a while.” - Joe Swanson

“We shouldn’t let this ruin our night...” - Joe Swanson

Joe Swanson Quotes Related to His Wife

"Bonnie Swanson: My God, we haven’t done it in so long. I’d forgotten how big you were.

Joe Swanson: I was gonna say the same thing to you.” - "Family Guy"

"Bonnie Swanson: Joe, can't we talk about this?

Joe Swanson: There's nothing to talk about. I've outgrown you, Bonnie. I need to spread my legs and fly." - "Family Guy"

Joe Swanson from "Family Guy" with his quote: “All right, we’re going to do it once more! And this time, no mistakes!” | Source: YouTube.com/TBS

“We haven’t made love ever!” - Joe Swanson

"Bonnie's making wallets now. Look, she's gonna ask you guys to buy one, I'll just give you the money, just don't throw it out within 5 miles of where we live." - Joe Swanson

"Joe Swanson: I'll take smelling good over walking good any day.

Bonnie Swanson: You don't smell good, Joe.

Joe Swanson: I'm sorry, I thought I was alone." - "Family Guy"

Joe Swanson Quotes from Memorable Moments

"Glenn Quagmire: Wait a minute, Bobby Briggs is the one who crippled you? You always told us you fell off a roof during a fight with the Grinch.

Joe Swanson: ...I lied." - "Family Guy"

“Mayor West, we have every available man looking for the Griffins, we just don’t have any leads.” - Joe Swanson

Joe Swanson from "Family Guy" with his quote: "Peter, face it. Without Quagmire, we're boring." | Source: YouTube.com/TBS

"Meg Griffin: Sometimes, it's really hard being me. So I guess I just make 'meganaid.'

Joe Swanson: That sounds disgusting." - "Family Guy"

“All right, we’re going to do it once more! And this time, no mistakes!” - Joe Swanson

“Public opinion has shifted, and the boys upstairs said they can no longer ignore it.” - Joe Swanson

"Peter, face it. Without Quagmire, we're boring." - Joe Swanson

"I didn't feel anything, but you did!" - Joe Swanson

Joe Swanson from "Family Guy" with his quote: “Love is a powerful compass.” | Source: YouTube.com/TBS

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“Love is a powerful compass.” - Joe Swanson

“You know, I just wanna take this opportunity to apologize to you guys… I hope that you can forgive me.” - Joe Swanson

Joe Swanson from "Family Guy" with his quote: "I didn't feel anything, but you did!" | Source: YouTube.com/TBS

Warburton has done an amazing job voicing and bringing the Swanson character to life. "Family Guy's" creator and the person responsible for voicing Peter's character also did justice to him as seen by the interactions he has with Swanson.

He also does the voices for Stewie, Glenn, and Peter's family dog, Brian. Mila Kunis' Meg seems to be the character everyone bullies, including Swanson as seen in his hilarious dialogue with Lois, played by Alex Borstein.

"Family Guy" isn't a show for the faint-hearted as it packs a punch. It's definitely not a cartoon made for children with all the adult themes they address. However, it can be enjoyed thoroughly with the right kind of people.

If you loved reading through Joe Swanson's quotes, then you're bound to find these "American Dad" ones hilarious as the show is quite similar to "Family Guy!"