91 Patrick Star Quotes that Are Witty and Hilarious

Bikini Bottom's favorite starfish, Patrick Star, is the goofy best friend to SpongeBob. Patrick's go-with-the-flow attitude often lands him and SpongeBob on hilarious adventures. On rare occasions, the starfish says some surprisingly wise one-liners. Here are 91 of the best quotes from Patrick.

The underwater town of Bikini Bottom is home to SpongeBob SquarePants and his best friend, Patrick Star. Here, they live with an array of aquatic creatures who often find themselves in the crosshairs of SpongeBob and Patrick's adventures.

Patrick loves to dance and finds humor in almost everything, making him perpetually happy. And who wouldn't want an ever-smiling best friend?

His most apparent trait is his lack of common sense. Patrick will get into questionable and sometimes dangerous situations with no care in the world. But despite his lack of common sense, he is a character that leaves us constantly giggling.

If you want to enjoy a little chuckle, here are 91 quotes from this loveable sea star.

Patrick Star’s quote: "Is mayonnaise an instrument?" | Image: AmoDays

DITZY PATRICK STAR QUOTES

“Boating school?! I thought this was Spanish class!”

“Return what to who? It’s not my wallet.”

“Now that we’re men, I changed my underwear.”

"I can't see my forehead!"

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

Patrick Star’s quote: “I can’t hear you. It’s too dark in here.” | Image: AmoDays

"We should take Bikini Bottom and push it somewhere else!"

"Sandy's a girl?"

“Knowledge can never replace friendship. I prefer to be an idiot!”

“Wow, a snail made out of bread.”

“What does claustrophobic mean?”

Patrick Star’s quote: "I can't see my forehead!" | Image: AmoDays

“I can’t hear you. It’s too dark in here.”

“East? I thought you said weast?”

“Oh my! A quarter! I’ve always wanted a quarter!”

“You guys talk funny! Say more words.”

“I have a head! It ends in a point! Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point!”

Patrick Star’s quote: "Well maybe it is stupid, but it’s also dumb!” | Image: AmoDays

“Dumb people are just blissfully unaware of how dumb they are.”

"My parents think I'm dumb more than a sack of diapers."

“But I was looking for me the whole time! It’s the perfect crime!”

"Well maybe it is stupid, but it’s also dumb!”

“What’s the matter? Is he stupid?”

Patrick Star’s quote: "My parents think I'm dumb more than a sack of diapers." | Image: AmoDays

FUNNY AND RANDOM PATRICK STAR QUOTES

“Here comes a giant fist!”

“Ugh, I gotta draw a new battery for this.”

“You’re right; if I was the mom, this would be kind of shocking.”

“Can you take the crust off my Krabby Patty?”

”I think – Argh! – he’s trying – Argh! – to say – Argh! – that we’re – Argh! about to… [They crash] land.”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Ah, it’s the apocalypse! Office products are falling from the sky!” | Image: AmoDays

“Can we say that hats from Texas are dumb?”

“I guess hibernation is the opposite of beauty sleep!”

“I gotta get back to crusting the crab.”

“Ah, it’s the apocalypse! Office products are falling from the sky!”

“Yeah, well, I’d hate you even if I didn’t hate you.”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Being grown-up is boring. Besides, I don’t get jazz.” | Image: AmoDays

“Hey, we are not chicken! Oh no, my popcorn!”

“Who you calling ‘Pinhead?’ I’m Dirty Dan.”

“Don’t touch me; I’m sterile.”

“Now, all I need is a magic mustache, and all my dreams will have come true!”

“Kicking! I wanna do some kicking!”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died.” | Image: AmoDays

“Fine. I guess you’re gonna miss The Panty Raid.”

“I’m always here at double weenie Wednesday.”

"Two giant paint bubbles.”

"My name’s not Rick!”

"Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee.”

Patrick Star’s quote: “I’m so loyal, I haven’t bathed in weeks!” | Image: AmoDays

"Where’s The Leak, Ma’am?”

"I’m preventing gingivitis.”

"Oh boy, I love being purple.”

"I wumbo, you wumbo, he she we wumbo."

“That’s Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick to you!”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Can I have everybody’s attention? I have to use the bathroom.” | Image: AmoDays

“A poem by Patrick Star…Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom.”

"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.”

“Gary? I thought what we had was special!”

“Psh. Wait’ll you see 'No Patrick Day!'”

“Money can’t replace friendship. I’d rather have no money than losing you.”

Patrick Star’s quote: “We better do as he says. He knows how to grow food.” | Image: AmoDays

“Now, let’s dress up as fairy princesses!”

"Sometimes, we have to go deep inside ourselves to solve our problems.”

“Being grown-up is boring. Besides, I don’t get jazz.”

“Haha, haha, it’s a giraffe.”

“We better do as he says. He knows how to grow food.”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Now all I need is a magic mustache, and all my dreams will have come true!” | Image: AmoDays

“You cannot stop the unstoppable.”

"A star on top will complete all the scenery!”

“Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died.”

“Well, I don’t tell you how to live your life!”

“Pardon my French, but get this thing off of me!”

Patrick Star’s quote: "I wumbo, you wumbo, he she we wumbo." | Image: AmoDays

“That’s my trophy, old lady!”

“I keep everything right here—in the folds of my back fat.”

“Kraaaaaabs. Isn’t that the red, sweaty guy you work for?”

“Do it again; I wasn’t looking!”

“I’m so loyal, I haven’t bathed in weeks!”

Patrick Star’s quote: “You’re right; if I was the mom, this would be kind of shocking.” | Image: AmoDays

“We destroyed your oldest and most prized possession!”

“Connect the dots! I drew a horsey!”

“You mean like a weenie? Okay!”

“Breaking and entering sure makes a fella hungry!”

“Nonsense, my vocabulary is infinitely expanding!”

Patrick Star’s quote: “I have a head! It ends in a point! Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point!” | Image: AmoDays

“Is he the bad guy?”

“Oh, I wish I had a nose!”

“Methinks it’s mutton-tastic!”

“Can I have everybody’s attention? I have to use the bathroom.”

“Just do what I do when I have a problem—scream!”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Boating school?! I thought this was Spanish class!” | Image: AmoDays

“Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star! I made myself a sandwich, my mommy named it Fred. It tastes like beans and bacon, and smells like it's been dead.”

PATRICK STAR QUOTES TO OR ABOUT SQUIDWARD

“Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in.”

“SpongeBob, I think Squidward has taken this too far. That last snowball had his clarinet in it.”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in.” | Image: AmoDays

“Squidward! The sky had a baby from my cereal box!”

“Are you Squidward? That’s okay, take your time.”

“Nice try, Squidward. But there’s no Santa Claus here!”

PATRICK QUOTES TO OR ABOUT SPONGEBOB

“SpongeBob, I don’t like it here. It’s dark and scary. I don’t wanna be here. I wanna go home. Look! I can’t even tell the bathrooms apart!”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Nice try, Squidward. But there’s no Santa Claus here!” | Image: AmoDays

“Can you give SpongeBob his brain back? I had to borrow it for the week.”

“I don’t think this is the real Spongebob. Just look how yellow he is.”

“Hey, SpongeBob. Can I borrow the cheese bucket?”

“He makes me sick, just looking at him. Those big, bulgy eyes, that square body, those two buck teeth, and that stupid tie!”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Can you give SpongeBob his brain back? I had to borrow it for the week.” | Image: AmoDays

“Two words, SpongeBob…na–chos.”

“SpongeBob SquarePants? That’s a funny way to spell my name.”

“Who’s a big, yellow sponge with holes?”

“You’re a man now, SpongeBob Squarepants, and it’s time you started acting like one.”

Patrick Star’s quote: “Hey, Spongebob. Can I borrow the cheese bucket?” | Image: AmoDays

Patrick is quite similar to his best friend, SpongeBob, but he does have his unique personality traits. His love of music sets him apart from many Bikini Bottom residents, and his rare, wise epiphanies make him so endearing.

We can relate to his positive outlook on life despite sometimes facing challenges on his adventures with his best friend. He remains one of our favorite sidekicks in animation, and even if Squidward acts like he can't stand him, we all know he loves Patrick Star as much as we do!

If you loved these quotes, you'd enjoy this compilation of quotes from the entire Bikini Bottom crew from "SpongeBob SquarePants."