40 Doctor Zoidberg Quotes: An Alien Plus Failed Comedian And Faux Doctor

Zoidberg is a comedian and medical professional, two professions he is sadly not very good at. Learn more about this egotistical alien's life in the "Futurama" universe. Read these 40 quotes to find out more.

"Futurama" character Zoidberg or, as his full name reads, "Dr. John A. Zoidberg, MD," is a failed comedian. Choosing to change his career trajectory, he came to Earth to practice medicine at "Planet Express," despite having no qualifications.

He has a habit of thinking highly of himself to the point of delusional, combined with strange eating habits, where he will devour pretty much anything, such as the Earthican Flag. Get to know him better by reading these 40 quotes.

Doctor Zoidberg, with his quote: "Hooray! People are paying attention to me!" | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

Self-Involved Zoidberg Quotes

“Don’t look into it, but I’m a respected internal medicine doctor.” — Doctor Zoidberg

"My name isn't Slick; it's Zoidberg. John [expletive] Zoidberg!" — Doctor Zoidberg

"Hooray! People are paying attention to me!" — Doctor Zoidberg

"Why not Zoidberg?" — Doctor Zoidberg

“Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace!" — Doctor Zoidberg

Doctor Zoidberg, with two other characters and his quote: "“I’m looking for something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things!” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

"Hooray! I'm helping" — Doctor Zoidberg

Zoidberg’s Wooing and Women Quotes

“Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!” — Doctor Zoidberg

“Ladies love a decapod with clothes made of cash!” — Doctor Zoidberg

“I’m looking for something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things!” — Doctor Zoidberg

Doctor Zoidberg, with one other character and his quote: “Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating?” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

“Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating?” — Doctor Zoidberg

Zoidberg’s Quotes Related to Being a Doctor

“Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say ‘brglgrglgrrr!’” — Doctor Zoidberg

“I’ll have a look, but I remind you, I’m an expert on humans, not robots.” — Doctor Zoidberg

"Now, Fry, it’s been a few years since medical school, so remind me, disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?" — Doctor Zoidberg

"No, no, not that mouth." — Doctor Zoidberg

Doctor Zoidberg, with one other character and his quote: “You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

"I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's treated." — Doctor Zoidberg

“Now open your mouth, and let's have a look at that brain.” — Doctor Zoidberg

“You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?” — Doctor Zoidberg

Zoidberg’s Quotes: The Failed Comedian Gets Some Laughs

“I’m sorry, Fry, but anchovies went extinct in the 2200s.” — Doctor Zoidberg

Doctor Zoidberg, with one other character and his quote: “Now open your mouth, and let's have a look at that brain.” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

“If rich people think it’s good, I’ll buy it. One art, please!” — Doctor Zoidberg

“Ah, there’s nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning!” — Doctor Zoidberg

“Earth, what a planet! On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you!” — Doctor Zoidberg

"A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears." — Doctor Zoidberg

“I’m swelling with patriotic mucus.” — Doctor Zoidberg

Doctor Zoidberg, with his quote: “Your music is bad, and you should feel bad!” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

“Sure, who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere?” — Doctor Zoidberg

“Instead of 'clause,' he writes 'claws..' Now that's humorous! Today's comedians could learn from this card.” — Doctor Zoidberg

"You don't understand; he was the only one who cared enough to insult me! I'll never see Hermes again!" — Doctor Zoidberg

"Okay, okay! I admit it! My people ate them all! We kept saying one more couldn't hurt, and then they were gone! We're sorry!" — Doctor Zoidberg

Doctor Zoidberg, with his quote: “By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

“Your music is bad, and you should feel bad!” — Doctor Zoidberg

“I wonder what the shroud of turin tastes like.” — Doctor Zoidberg

“There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t like!” — Doctor Zoidberg

“By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.” — Doctor Zoidberg

“I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.” — Doctor Zoidberg

More Zoidberg Quotes

Doctor Zoidberg, with his quote: There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t like!” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

“What?! My mother was a saint! Get out!!!” — Doctor Zoidberg

"Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have any more of this Dom Pérignon bubble bath? There was only enough to fill the tub halfway." — Doctor Zoidberg

"If that's his pizza, then I'm I.C. Whatever." — Doctor Zoidberg

"I'm not on trial here." — Doctor Zoidberg

"Yes, you can! The music was in your heart, not your hands!" — Doctor Zoidberg

Doctor Zoidberg with one other character and his quote: “What?! My mother was a saint! Get out!!!” | Source: facebook.com/Futurama

"Futurama" was an extremely popular adult cartoon to the point where the show was getting so big that it hosted a lot of celebrity cameos. These included David Cross, John Goodman, Lucy Liu, and Mark Hamill.

To explore "Futurama," some more read these 79 quotes from the protagonist Philip J. Fry.